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Hello,
I have just started to look for my brother who my mother gave up for adoption when he was 4 yrs old. She wont tell me any information she says to leave it alone and I am sure it's because she is afraid of the outcome and it would let things out that she doesn't know that I know, I have contacted the CYFD in New Mexico and the lady sent me papers to fill out and send back which I have. She said that it would take a couple of weeks to get the file from the court. Although my sister said that she did it a few years back and it was a closed adoption on our end but open on his. I have also posted on FB and tagged people that know people and so forth to get the posting all around as well as posting on the Las Cruces paper on FB. Can anyone give me more advice as some other routes to go or should I just wait to see what the lady from CYFD has to say? It has been to long with not knowing how my brother is doing or how his life was! Desperately seeking help!!
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You might want to talk with your mother. I cannot imagine how difficult it was for her to give up a child she had known and nurtured for four years... Yes, she probably does fear hearing about the outcome of his life and having information leak out. But, I think she also fears the pain of the loss that will surface. She's probably cemented over her wounds to survive the pain.I'm just saying this to you to give you a better idea of what might be going on with your mother.... However, you have a right to seek out your brother, and I think you should talk with your mother candidly about your feelings. Let her know that you are going to try to find him because he is your brother. It's probably better in the long run to be upfront with her.Then, if she understands how important this is to you, she may have more information for you. Other than that, I would wait to find out what kind of information you receive in the paperwork.
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in most states, an adult sibling of an adoptee can petition the court system to have records unsealed, you may want to contact the state where he was adopted and find out their policies...
also, there is something called a Confidential Intermediary program within the entire US. You will have to call around to agencies and find one, but the basic idea is that you give them what info you have. they then track the adoptee down (or vice versa, track the birth family) and contact them. they essentially tell the person that a sibling/parent, etc wants contact and are they agreeable. then they either exchange contact info for you or something similar...they are QUITE useful. but you do have to pay them for time, mileage, etc. I was told it's generally about $100 in my area because our CI is an adoption case worker with the entire state adoption registry sitting at their fingertips!
YOU have the right to know your sibling whether or not your mom agrees with it. some birthparents don't want the past stirred up. you can't blame her for wanting to protect you-and him. you should be able to get his info, and even have contact with him without her even being involved. when the time is right, she'll come around. best of luck!