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Our 15 yr old AS just returned home march 25th after over a year and a half of rtc and tfc. We knew it was going to be a rough transition. Esp. returning to our school district for the last marking period of his freshman year. His diagnosis is RAD and bi-polar. He is really having anxiety issues with school. First his spanish class is learning different things that what he was at other school. Geometry is at a different place and he was struggling at first but now seems to be ok. His biology class is all 10th graders because apparently the school he was in didn't check with our school and put him in classes he would be in when he came home. Then the grading scale is different at our school then it was at other school. The other school put number grades on report card but had letter scale on there. Our school gave him report card for third marking period and transferred grades from other school to letter grades using our schools grading system. 7 of his grades were lowered a grade from what he actually earned at other school. He got so upset by this but we told him we would take care of it and we did. we just made one phone call to guidance counselor and it was fixed.
Monday he went to nurse and said he was throwing up so he was sent home. He was fine. was pretty sure it was his anxiety. Tuesday he went to nurse and said he was having chest pains and dizzyness(he has bradychardia- low heart rate so this is how he gets attention). She did a cardiac assessment and everything was fine. After talking to us she decided it was best for him to stay in school so he did. Today he went to nurse complaining of stomachache. She sent him back to class. Instead of going back to class he left school. Guidance counselor called to tell me after they couldn't find him. He ended up at home after over an hour.
Guidance counselor has really tried to help him. He had even given permission for our son to drop spanish for the rest of the year and have a study hall instead. Guidance counselor suggested he do their cyber school for rest of year and start fresh next year. Trying to figure out what to do. He would be home all day everyday with me. This is typically when he has most problems when he is with me. Also what happens next year when he won't go to school. At some point he will need to learn how to handle his problems in situations like school. He wants to go to college and be a history teacher. On the other hand maybe this would help him adjust to coming home and be better able to deal with stuff. Just wanting some other opinions on this. I know it is a decision only we can make but sometimes it is nice to hear what others have to say on it.
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don't know about anywhere but here, but would charter school be an option? our local one is primarily computer based, has certified teachers there to help when there is a problem with a concept, and kids can work at their own pace toward the goals they set with the administration. the discipline is strict, but it's not oppressive.
we also have early college at our local community college. it's a program for kids who don't exactly "fit" in the system but have academic strengths.
outside of that, you might explore maybe a homeschool co-op. i know some around here have little groups that work together. even if he's on a virtual program he might find it easier to work if he's not with you--not a slam--i'd probably be arrested if i had to work with my 2 interesting sons, and i'm a public school teacher!
sorry i have nothing better to suggest.
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Coming into the school year with only 1.5 months (approx) left is really hard on the best student in the best of relationships with family. So that being the case, considering the family dynamics, rtc, etc., I bet it's 100% more stressful for your son.
I would find an alternative school option for the remainder of the year and have him start fresh in the fall. That's a lot of changes to undergo at once - coming back home, getting used to all that again and also going to a new school.
I would not however be his teacher. I would find another adult that can monitor his school situation, homework etc. You and he need to rebuild as well and homeschooling him is not going to help with that I wouldn't think?
So if it were me, I would be looking into online school with virtual teachers and perhaps his therapist (I'm assuming he has one) to help monitor that situation if possible. Or, if there is a teacher from the district that can tutor etc. Are there special circumstances where the district will provide options like Green has suggested above?
I think the guidance counselor has the right idea. It sounds like he has every intention of being a good student but he walked back into a school that is almost over for the year and at a completely diffferent place than his other school. Add the stress of coming home and being released from intensive placements and it actually sounds like he is doing fabulous. It doesn't sound like he is trying to be manipulative. It sounds like he is legitamately having problems that even a compeltely mentally and emotionally healthy teen would have. If it were my normally attached kid, I would probably give him the choice and tell him that whatever he chose, he would need to do his very best and he better not drive me nuts. I am not sure if that is the right approach with a RAD kid though. Maybe you could tell him that you will be trying a week of home based computer school to see how it goes and if it works for both of you you would like to keep him home for the rest of the school year so he can start fresh and caught up next year (even though you actually plan on doing it for the rest of the school year no matter what).
ANd I agree with Crick, you definately don't want to end up being the teacher. Checking to make sure he did the work is one thing. Actually teaching him? REally bad idea.
Thanks for your replies. We do have a charter school but it is only the second year for it. From what I have heard about it I don't think it will fit his needs.What the school did offer is cyber school. They would even provide the laptop. I wouldn't be his teacher but I would be the one here with him and responsible for making sure he does his work. My husband works 12 hour shifts so on days he works I am home because I am unable to drive. On days he is off we usually have a ton of running around to do so I would still have to be the one home with him. He can not be home by himself because of his many issues and he can not be left on computer without supervision because he tries to download porn.I would never try to home school him because that would be a disaster. He can not handle when I tell him to do something or I tell him no or something he did is wrong so that would just be asking for trouble.I can see how the cyber school may take a lot of pressure off of him(of course it will put a lot more on me) but I do worry he will do same stuff next year. He started off the school year at his last school really bad. He didn't run from school but before he got there. He even ended up hospitalized for two weeks. But they stuck it out and gave him support and he was succeeding there. I do appreciate everyone who shared their opinion. I have no one to talk to about it that would understand.
I think the Cyber School may actually help. First, see if the school can supply blocking software for the laptop so that it can ONLY be used to access the online school.
I would actually recommend that you then leave school to him. Tell him if he wants help you are there, but that you are not going to stand over him and make sure he does his work. He is old enough to take responsibility for himself in regards to his education. If he fails, he fails.
Meanwhile, he will have little to no outside influence to distract him from working on his relationship with you, and learning how to be a part of a family. As a child with RAD, this is much more important than his grades at school (in my opinion).
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At this point we have not told him about cyber school option. He really wants to go to school and be successful. He went to school today but was going to talk to guidance counselor. He is suppose to have a safe place to go when he is feeling overwhelmed and they haven't set that up yet so he is going to talk to them and see where he can go. Not sure if he will make it through the day or not. But if he doesn't try to solve his issues there now they will just resurface next year. He really wants to join cross country next school year and if he is having these issues he won't be allowed to so he really needs to figure it out now. He doesn't always have good self esteem and I worry that pulling him out and doing cyber school may make that plummet. He also has to learn to stop trying to run away from his problems. Taking off has been a big problem with him in fact it is the issue that kept him in tfc so long. I worry if he is cyber schooled he will think that running away is the answer because it gets him what he wants. I may be completely wrong and we will do cyber school if he really cant handle school. At this time though I think we are best to give him some time to try and handle it.
Is your son on psychiatric medications?[url=http://familyrightsassociation.com/bin/white_papers-articles/drugging_our_children/]The Drugging of Our Children[/url]Please be an educated parent and advocate for your child from an informed basis. Remember you were a child once too and your parents decisions and knowledge is what shaped you who are today. You are now molding your son. Children are completely reliant on their parent to make decisions they can trust. Theres more than one side, and thats not to say theres only good and bad, each child is unique, an individual parents know best about their children. Also ask your son, dont just listen to your doctor or think hes faking it. Im a victim of not being listened to as a child. In a result medical neglect/ complications arose because my parents trusted the doctors and not my complaints. This can be life threatening. They took my complaints too lightly and were too easily reassured by my pediatrician despite whining. somestimes what seems like whining and attention getting isnt. It may be tedious and frustrating to look at every one but its that kind of repition patience concentration and caring. They need to know you take them seriously. Let them know its okay, no one complains for no reason. You literallyLook into private signed up to be a parent. Look into home schooling dont let the pressure of the school system get in the way of his needs. I used to be so physically ill, stomach aches, diarrhea, nausea, anxiety, but because I was sick so often no one believed me. I also have an undiagnosed heart condition. Your son sounds lovely and you sound like an eager parent and that makes me happy?Tell me about your own childhood?whats your name?Im Dom Im 22 I was adopted at age 9 by and aunt and uncle. Was born addicted 3 months early. let me know how you feel about that article =)
threeboys
I would maybe think about the option you mentioned about dropping spanish and using the time for study hall.....do they have a learning assistance classroom that he can drop in if he is overwhelmed in other classes
My son had a learning assistance teacher with her own classroom that the kids could go to and she would communicate with the subject teacher and have them do what ever work they needed doing in her classroom - it works pretty well as there is usually just a small group with one teacher.
I think try everything at this point to keep him in school to keep school and family dynamics separate....might be very bad for family relationship to have him home all day right now
sm
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We have no other options but to leave him in school he is in or cyber school. There is no learning assistance classroom. He should have an emotional support classroom he can go to but they haven't set that up yet. There is only 29 days of school left he needs to stay in school and work out his issues. He just needs some extra help.