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Sorry if this shows up twice--got knocked offline while posting!
I've posted before about my middle (14 next month) having nightmares.
First ones (nightly, from placement at 6-8-ish) involved her new parents being brutally murdered, usually by "bad guys" who broke into the house while everyone was sleeping. And she and her sibs were left alone. Eek! (Clearly abandonment fears.)
Those evolved into just HER being killed by big, scary animals or a "bad man/men" again. (8-12=weekly, 12-13= monthly...rarely?)
Just tonight she told me of a new one: She dreamt that as I was leaning down to kiss her goodnight, I pulled out a knife and stabbed her! And then when she cried, I accused HER of stabbing herself!!!
WTH?!
We have butted heads a few times lately over clothing choices, music, school effort. Normal parent/child teen stuff. But good grief, would that cause her to dream about me KILLING her?!
And here's the thing--she's an anxiously unattached (if I remember correctly) RADish who has always refused to participate in therapy. We finally just gave up. We had been out of attachment therapy for 2 years when I learned she had been having some major issues (social, jealousy-related) on a sports team and so got her back in to see therapist, but once again she refused to participate. She crossed her arms, set her jaw, and glared at therapist and I. When therapist tried talking FOR her about what might be going through her mind (fear of being rejected, abandoned, etc.), she just rolled her eyes at therapist. Therapist even did a few sessions of EMDR (she was willing to hold the 2 buzzing things, but still wouldn't talk), but didn't see progress. Dad finally suggested we stop paying to have our dd NOT talk and work through things. I agreed. Seemed like such a waste of time and money!
So if she's clearly still not attached, still having insane nightmares, AND refuses to talk and process her behaviors and feelings in therapy, how on earth can we help her?!
Would love to hear some ideas!
P.S. She has RAD (though not the violent type...is hypervigilant, stiff as a board when you try to hug her, NEVER, ever smiles...unless someone is getting hurt or does something embarrassing, is spiteful and mean to nearly everyone, but somehow does have a couple of friends. But she's SO quiet/shy that other kids don't seem to notice her. They prefer HER over her older sib because older sib is so loud and hyperactive!)
Also has FASD and low average IQ....and wants to grow up to become "a celebrity." <sigh>
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Here are my thoughts on the dreams.
A - It could show she trusts you enough to tell you these dreams, which would be a big step for a RAD child.
B - She enjoys the reaction she gets from you when she makes up these dreams. Sort of a victim thing.
So hard to know when RAD is involved.
PS. After reading about the backgrounds of several famous actors I do question in they have an attachment disorder. The kids I have known with AD are all great actors. -- Your DD very well could become a celebrity some day! lol
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Sounds a lot like me as a teen. Didn't tell anyone about my nightmares though, and still have them. Reality is you are probably doing all you can to help her. You can't MAKE her heal, and she won't start the process until she is good & ready. For me that wasn't until I entered college. It's entirely possible she has some PTSD symptoms & the nightmares are one aspect of that. Something to consider anyway.
Is she on any medications? Prazosin is supposed to help for PTSD-related nightmares, didn't work for me but has for many others. Don't know if they prescribe it for teens. You may also look at herbal remedies that help to calm the mind such as Valerian root. Essential oil blends like lavender, chamomile, etc. Basically anything that is calming/relaxing. A good bedtime routine, learning meditation techniques with a positive visualization before bed.
Can you tell I've BTDT? And I still have the nightmares despite all my efforts. So I journal them, admit they were disturbing, and go back to bed. But it's taken me years of therapy to progress to the point that I don't spend the rest of the night in a hyper vigilant state.
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