Daughter's reunion with bio family..pos/neg

Seems like I always end up writing only at dramatic times. Last time I posted it was when my a daughter chose to go to an inner city school. I never actually updated the interacial adoption forum on that matter, which I will do on a seperate thread. This is about her reunion. My daughter is 13 years old, biracial, adopted from fostercare as an infant. Her mom was 16 when my girl was born. We were in what I would call a semi open adoption because while in foster care, we did have visits, interaction and communication with the bio mom and family. However, after adoption we lost contact with everyone. I take responsibility for my share in this loss, although it wasn't on purpose. In any event we did loose contact when AD was about 4 years old. We had exchanged letters and pictures up until this time. The loss of contact was probably more difficult for me at that point than it was for my daughter. (See previous posts from that era) As an aside, DD always knew about her bmom and wrote letters to her. In early days we mailed them, (to no avail) in later days we just saved them. The older she got, the more verbal she became and the more emotional her reaching out was. This past fall was the hardest. She would wake up in the middle of the night crying that she missed her bmom. DD has lived with me since she was 8 weeks old and had not seen her mom since she was 18 months old. Yet she missed her in a deep and a profound way. We had been looking since we lost contact, but never made a connection. Then we found a contact on facebook. Through lots of creeping around on the websites, we found a grandfather, stepgrandmom, biobrother and sister, and an aunt. We attempted to friend all of them as well as wrote private messages. Two months later we got replies. Suddenly My DD had the biofamily she had prayed for. And then a message from bmom. Life was wonderful. DD couldn't have been happier. Biofam was eager and ernest and loving. My DD got what she was yearning for. She was loved, not thrown away...she was wanted and claimed. At Christmas we made the 1400 mile trip to spend time with them. DDwas texting, emailing and messaging right and left on facebook. By January things had settled down, not much texting, unless I made the effort. I sent pix, comments and info. We planned another meeting over spring break. Once again we made the trek. My girl had a pre Easter meeting with grandparents and 2 sibs. They were wonderful......did everything they could have to show her how loved she was. Next day was a scheduled meeting with bmom. (On the outs with grandparents and sibs at this time) She was a no show. 2 days later we did meet up with bmom. On my terms and with her getting to the visit on her own. (I was proud of mom) DD, not so much....pretty appathetic actually. Here is my concern and I'm so sorry that this is so long. But my DD had this need and longing. It was met, and now it doesn't seem to matter to her at all whether she talks, or hears from bfamily at all. Bfamily and bmom are longing for contact, for expressions of love. Now I know DD loves all of them and is glad to have met them, but not so interested in doing anything to forge the relationship. Actually I'm not even sure why I'm writing this, other than to shed some light on the reunion process from the perspective of a 13 year old. (Or at least a 13 year old's mother) I think I know what's going through DD's mind....she got what she wanted. Her needs were met....she is now moving on. She is after all only 13. She is self centered, the star of her own show. The rest of us are just extras in the production of her life. (At this time) I don't want to loose her bfamily again......but I know they long for a full blown relationship with their daughter, sister and grandaughter. But she really isn't interested in it so much. So did I do the right thing? Did I allow the reunion too soon? Should I have waited until she was much older? Bio mom feels a bit robbed because she wanted to seek DD out when she was 18. Grandparents feel bad because they thought DD would become an instant grandaughter, loving and committed to the relationship. DD probably thought her magical dreams of a mother, younger, more beautiful, more lenient, etc. would come true. What we got though was real life. At this point, I kinda think everyone is just glad that we at least found each other again. No one is lost. Now, with baby steps we will attempt to forge a relationship with each other. We do have another planned meeting in Aug. This time they are coming here. Wouldn't it have been much nicer though if we had kept that open relationship from the outset? I know ther are deeper questions and insights here, but just wanted to put this out there. Thanks for reading, Sincerely, Saj