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I'm stealing this idea from the foster parent board. I've got some stuff in my brain that needs to get out before it eats it up.1. Believe me, I am not so generous that I wanted to make a childless couple parents. I don't care how happy it made them, that wasn't my intent, and it should have never been. 2. Once, just once, please come over to my house my heart is crushed and bleeding because of the loss of my son. Yes it has been nine years, but there are still times when I feel like the day I signed the papers and maybe it would be good for the rest of the world to know that for some people adoption isn't such a winning situation.3. Please don't tell me all the wonderful stories you know about people that have adopted that are just so happy and deserved to be parents. It isn't a right to parent and just because a couple finds themselves in a difficult position doesn't mean they owe someone their child.4. Don't be a hypocrite and tell me how fabulous I am for making that choice and how beautiful adoption is but then when someone in your family finds themselves in a place when maybe the shouldn't parent act as though I'm a fool an horrible for suggesting adoption.Ok... anyone else is free to comment too :) I'm having an angry phase in my grieving and everyone is ticking me off right now IRL so I may be back with more.
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I love babies. Having said that, I hold my grandbabies and the tears run down my face. I'm not sure I've ever really given my daughter a straight answer as to why I'm crying while holding her latest nephew (my raised son has been fathering one every two years lately -- he and his GF have 8 sons between them, the last three together.) I'm always aware of the ache that never goes away. I realized when I had children after D that I could never have enough babies to make the ache go away.
[URL="http://i124.photobucket.com/albums/p14/kakuehl/Johnandsons1.jpg"][/URL]
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hi every one! Me from down under just chiming in to say hi!!My story so full of information I haven't the energy to go there.Two grandkiddies now from bdaughter...my raised daughter very close to them as lives in same city, lovely to see but can't help but feel a little envious!!!I get photos and updates which can feel bitter sweet. Funny how as young girls we could never imagine that there would be another lost generation. Sigh!
hi every one! Me from down under just chiming in to say hi!!
My story so full of information I haven't the energy to go there.
Two grandkiddies now from bdaughter...my raised daughter very close to them as lives in same city, lovely to see but can't help but feel a little envious!!!
I get photos and updates which can feel bitter sweet. Funny how as young girls we could never imagine that there would be another lost generation. Sigh!
Belle - I agree a sibling having a child is a major trigger. Even though I've never lost a child to adoption, I've lost children, my own (miscarriage) & a foster and I still can't do baby showers, nor do I like little kid parties. When my nephew was born (only grandchild in my family) I was there for his birth and cried for 3 days after. I think those losses (child, IF, miscarriage) stay with you for life. Deep hurt doesn't just go away. When I read what you wrote yesterday it reminded me of those horrible days after his birth, ouch.
kakuehl - Great pic, adorable kiddo's and a handsome son you have.
wrking,
You're right. Loss is loss and when it comes to loss of children, it is really hard.
Usually I don't go to the hospital after a baby is born because I don't do well with it. I won't be going after my middle brother's next child is born because it will be in the city where Kiddo was after he was born and where the hospital treated me so terribly. There is just no way I can go there and be nice.
Mom really surprised me and is coming down on Friday to work on my house with me some and paint. We had a blow out over the grandkid stuff this summer and I think I finally got through to them. I think.
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Baptisms suck. Ok I love my family, but whew.
I was surprised though because my SIL said they didn't expect me and were amazed when I showed up and they knew how much strength it took.
Mom said we're going to do a Belle day when I told her sure my career is great but the whole family doesn't get together for a career. I was shocked by that too.
Now... will my dad be able to stay more than ten minutes? ROFL
If your dad is anything like mine he will not. I dont think it has anything to do with love or respect. My dad is a figidity one. He loves his kids (I'm adopted by him, not legally) and grand kids, but I think we make him nervous LOL.
All kid events are hard. Baptisms are just one of many things that "stink".
I've never really had much of a problem seeing my friends and siblings have children. I've always gone to the baby showers and baptisms. I've had the honor of being named godmother to five children over the years. Sometimes I think my reaction isn't the same as so many other first mothers because I worked Labor & Delivery, as well as NICU, a long time ago, so maybe that was the difference in being able to emotionally handle my friends' and relatives' pregnancies.
The only time I had a problem with a new baby was when my brother had his son. My nephew was born outside of wedlock, and it got on my nerves that our mother never once criticized my brother for not marrying the mother until my nephew was over a year old. I guess it's different when a daughter has an illegitimate child or something, because she referred to my unborn child, who was her firstborn grandchild, as the "little bastard" for my entire pregnancy.
I do know that baby showers often trigger first moms, though. I've read it literally hundreds of times on forums and bulletin boards. I was just lucky, I guess.
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I don't mean to intrude, I was lurking on this thread. I want you all to know that I am learning from you. A bit of my story.I am an Adoptive Mom, from Foster Care. I want to initially say my sons First Mother never harmed him. She was very young, and was in an extraordinarily difficult and dysfunctional situation. He was placed with us (through foster care) at 8m old, due to safety reasons. The system failed her, and she did not have the (safe) supports in place that she needed to parent successfully. She is in the same age range as my oldest teenage daughters. It broke my heart. When he was with us for 6 months, she asked us to adopt him. We asked her to consider "open adoption" she declined. I am happy to say that she later reconsidered. Our state does not recognize these agreements, however I believe it is in her and his best interests. She voluntarily (bad term) relinquished him. My husband and I stood with her at the hearing held hands and cried together. We have had him with us 3 yrs now. I have shared our address, phone numbers, and had her come over to stay the night, and participate in family functions. Because of severe safety concerns he doesn't spend time with the extended bio family.She calls, and texts, we meet anytime she is able. I share pictures and artwork. He "gabs" on the phone with her. I want him to be apart of her life. She needs it, and he needs it to. I am fully aware of how unfair this is to her, and to him. I can't make it "right". So, you ladies , give me courage to keep going, to talk /walk through this pain with her. You give me great insight to her world. You give me strength to let her spend time alone with him. You give me permission to love her to my soul. Her pain is my pain too.Thank you for your truth and honesty. Now back to your regularly scheduled postings..