Advertisements
I'm at a loss with coming up with some creative consequences for my children (They have only been with me for 8 months). It's more for my 9 year old son. He has been diagnosed with several things (ADHD, ODD, and finally PTSD). He is a very angry little man. Yet, he really truly has a big heart of gold. It's just that he has been exposed to so much neglect and abuse for 9 years, that he's struggling to adjust. (Not to mention that he and his siblings were living with their 70 year old great-grandparents and did anything and everything that they wanted to do. I was told "those kids ran the house.") Due to the abuse, my son hates to be alone. He absolutely will not get out of bed in the morning until his sister or I get up.
I am convinced that this is the first house that he has lived in that has had rules and consequences. He has told both me and his therapist that he would rather get a "whooping" than be sent to his room for 10 minutes. He would rather get a whooping than any other form of discipline. I will not discipline him that way. I have tried many forms, yet the only thing that seems effective is sending him to his room. However, I will have to literally pick him up and carry him to his room. Then, as soon as I walk away, he's walking out of his room. Sometimes, I can get him to stay there, sometimes, he will keep walking out and then become "dead weight" when I try to get him back in his room. And I feel cruel sending him to his room when I know that emotionally, it is crippling him.
I can't have him write sentences because that was one form of discipline that his father used and I absolutely do not want to remind him of his abusive father. Oh, and currently, he is having his allowance withheld until he pays for something very expensive (medicine cabinet) that he broke because of his anger. And until he pays me back for it, he has had all of his electronic privileges taken away, except for the computer when used for homework and his electric guitar because he's taking lessons right now.
So, what are some effective and creative consequences that you have tried and would like to suggest to me?
Like
Share
I have heard about people making a sort of chart of behaviours and with him you both decide on a decent punishment and just hold to it. I would try having a time out place somewhere like the kitchen or a bench somewhere that he is separate, but can still see and hear you.Especially with the ADHD, make sure he has plenty of time to run around and burn off energy because that will make him a bit happier, and sugar is a must not. Good luck.
Advertisements
What are the things he cares about? Is it money, electronics, time with friends, phone... whatever it is, use that. I would also say to make consequences short - 24 to 48 hours max. If a kid loses something for weeks, he has very little incentive to change his behavior; kids have trouble seeing that far into the future and working toward something for that long. You may actually want to consider giving the electronics back sooner. I'd also suggest making the rules really clear - write them down for him, with a clear explanation of what each means (ie. respect: no name-calling, don't take anything that isn't yours without permission, no yelling, no swearing, ask politely if you want something, say "excuse me" before you interrupt...). Then tie one of the privileges he cares about to each rule. That way he is rewarded for doing what you want and has a consequence that he can see the end of for behavior that is not okay. I think we often forget, too, that rewarding "good" behavior is just as important as giving a consequence for the negatives (and if you can tie those two things together, all the better!).
I agree, write the rules down with the consequence for the rule being broken. If there are a string of bad days, then take a break and do something fun together. That might sound counterproductive, but it works for many kids. Some kids act out to get the negative attention, because they do not know what to do with positive attention. I am sure you know that, but I thought it was worth mentioning.
Consequences:
Clean baseboards
Organize the pantry
Pull weeds
Clean out the vehicles
Sweep the porch
(Yes, many of consequences accomplish a task :))