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Does a child with RAD ever make friends esp. long term friends? Our 15 yr old gets so upset because his brothers have friends to bother with. Right now he has only been back home for a month after being in RTC and TFC for over 18 months so he really hasn't had time to make friends. Looking back though he has never really had friends he bothered with. His two bio brothers had good friends that they met in elementary school and were friends with them through high school. He has always had different friends each year and never really wanted to bother with them outside of school. Just wondering if he will always be a loner.
What do you do when there is no one in entire county that deals with RAD? He was just diagnosed last year probably because no one around here really seems to know much about it. Even the family based services he has who seem to know about RAD see him by himself sometimes in school so we aren't around to hear anything that is said.
When they decide they like to be hospitalized because it is easier there do you keep hospitalizing them? He tried this past week to be hospitalized. He stole money and bought a phone and phone card he isnt allowed to have. Then when he got caught and was unable to activate phone because you need internet to do it he wrote a suicide note and put it on fridge for me to find. We ended taking him to er to be evaluated but crisis worker didn't feel he met qualifications to be hospitalized so sent him home with the request he gets more services. He then left for school next day but didn't go. Tried to break into house after my husband left. Ended up calming down and my brother came up and our son came in and got mad because I made him do work. He went to school at lunch time but missed the test he had so will now have a zero. He escalates his behavior and you can see he wants to be hospitalized but not to get help it is a way to run away from what ever is bothering him.
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My dd is 17. She uses the hospital as an escape as well, usually when she has done something bad and she does not want to take responsibility for it. I do not think she has any friends either, just "friends" on facebook. She never has anyone to hang around with. She hardly ever gets invited anywhere. And no one seems to know anything about RAD. Those that do know still do not know what to do about it. My dd cannot wait to turn 18 so I will no longer interfere with her life. There is really only so much we can do. It's very sad and frustrating.
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So how do you deal with the fact that he has no friends and even if he did could not be trusted to go to their house and his older brother has a girlfriend and his younger brother has friends? He is extremely jealous. Yesterday we went to an amusement park. His older brother went with his girlfriends family. !5 yr old was fine until we got a text that that family had gotten there. He thought we should find them immediately even if it meant standing and waiting for them. He said that older brother needs to spend time with our family. I told him not today he is allowed to be with them. He looked at us and said well then I am not spending time with you either and walked off. He came back a couple of minutes later and stayed with us the rest of the day. I am just not sure how to deal with this. The younger one should have had a friend come along to go on rides with him but we didn't let him so 15 yr old wouldn't get upset about not having anyone. At one point they were playing in game room. My husband gave them a dollar at a time and they had to come out to where we were to get more. He was miserable when he came out first time. Second time we were talking to friends from church and he instantly got a huge smile on face and acted like he was having a great time. My husband even noticed it because it was so obvious and he doesn't always see the little things like that.
I would not let a RAD child dictate who comes along on family events. In my case, I would tell my RAD daughter that she was in treatment because of her problems with relationships and she needs to work on that. I often tell her that she must work on her relationship with me and then she can have relationships with others. But she isn't ready yet.
Reading your messages sure brings back memories. Your 15 year old concerns me. You are being subjected to emotional abuse. If you don't do something, you will bare scars from this as well. My sons never got to the point your son, as I am a guy. RAD kids target mothers more then dads. You also need to think about the 10 year old living through this. Sadly, I had a 10 year old that lived through some of the toughest time in my house. Sadly, he was influenced in a bad manner and attempts to treat me (sometimes) like his older brothers did.
Your son also has another hit, possible aspie. I have an aspie son. Sorry to say, but your son will probably have a lonely life. My son had friends, but on a superficial level. He never had friends over or went to friends' house. He did have socialization with friends, but mostly through his brothers. Many people did not know how to handle him.
Any possibility of a semi independent program as he gets older?
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I scrolled past this once but decided to come back-you cannot let the fact that this child cannot maintain a relationship run your household or control your decisions. You also cannot make decisions based on whether or not he might get made. Your walking on eggshells around him trying to prevent the next battle. It becomes normal life-I know, I lived that way, and it isn't okay.
The hospital thing is tricky. I had a child who often used suicide threats for attention. He later used them to control his girlfriend. But there's a problem with this-you cannot ignore them and assume they are just threats. My son did this for years-the boy who cried wolf? He was sent home by a therapist Dec 2, 2011 after again using suicide threats as a weapon against his girlfriend, except this time, he did it two days later. We all get to live with the what ifs. If I had it to do over, I'd search for different treatment. But it's too late.
The hospitals are easier for kids without attachments. The staff is paid to treat them like they like them no matter what they say or do. Everything is "fixed" by the next shift. No apologizing, no amends, no relationship, no change. It's tough to compete with that.
So I understand what everyone is saying about not letting our child with RAD decide what the rest of the family does. For the most part we don't but there are times when his behavior does control what we do. If he doesn't go with because of behavior then I have to stay home with him. I can not drive right now because of a disability so my husband would have to take other kids. Otherwise we would all have to stay home which isn't fair to other kids. Whatever happens he feels he gets away with something. He either keeps me or everyone home or he gets to go even though he acts up. Can't leave him home with someone else because no one gets it and would make it fun and then I would pay because once again I am the one who makes him listen. Indy- It has already impacted the 10 yr old. He does imitate some of his behaviors esp throwing things when angry and the mouth. It has also impacted the 16 yr old but not as bad. I feel I am in a no win situation. No matter what we do it is going to be the wrong thing. Just need to figure this out. the year and a half he was in RTC and TFC we had such a different household. It was calmer and much more enjoyable. I feel the tension in the other two boys since he came home. At least at this point we have family based services and they are actually working with all of us to try and help us become a better family without so much stress.