Looking for support and feedback

Hey everyone! Well my story started way back, I am also adopted. The family I was adopted into was horrifically abusive in every way imaginable, and I was kept a prisoner in my bedroom. I knew I was not loved, many things said and done confirmed that. After several attempts to get help I ran out of state where I met my daughters father. I was wild and wanted to experience everything, I did many things I'm not proud of. At the age of 23 I gave birth to my beautiful daughter, but my relationship with her father was abusive and tumultuous. He cheated, made me sell my body even while pregnant. I didn't leave because I felt worthless, and eventually in trying to escape him I hit another vehicle with my daughter in the car. I went to jail, and child welfare took my baby girl. When I got out I did verything they asked me to. Got a job, my own place and stayed away from her father. But he was a stalker, and continued to try and get me back. One night he showed up at my apt, I was supposed to get my baby back in a week. He told me he was shot and begged me to take him to the ER. I reluctantly finally agreed. However it was just a ruse to get to me, and I found myself kidnapped and my life threatened. He held meprisoner for 2 days before finally letting me go to work, I took my check and left Va to come back to Pa. When I called the child welfare they told me not to bother coming back, they were terminating my rights. I gave up, I was devastated, and threw myself into doing drugs and getting drunk. I finally became a Christian at the age of 34 after I had my youngest. I loved being a mom, it was amazing, and it made me miss my daughter so much. When my son was 17 my daughter found me on facebook, but in our first phone call she asked me bluntly..."What happened?" She said she didn't want excuses, just the facts. I was so unprepared. Over time I began to write her, but I realize now I told her things that were inappropiate and overwhelming. She is 27 now and does read things I write her, but she very seldom ever writes back. She says I am a stranger, and she throws my past up to me a lot. Recently I told her that I can't change the past, I can only take care of the present. She says I am a stranger, and her adopted parents lied and said I left her in a store alone. She's very successful as an artist and store owner, but has admitted she suffers from depression and addiction as well. I love her with all of my heart, and I would do anything to have her in my life. Having no family of my own other than my son it is heartbreaking. My adopted mother decided to cut me out of her life after stealing my oldest son who is now 30.The trauma and abuse throughout my whole life put me on a path of self destruction and hurt those I love the most, 2 of my children. My oldest wants a relationship, but refuses to hear anything about how I was abused through my youth, and he is very controlling and self righteous. It is like speaking to my adopted mother all over again. I know I will have a relationship with him when my adopted mother dies...she is why he is the way he is. But my daughter has such a big piece of my heart, and I fear she may never want a relationship with me. I have had to be hospitalized with severe depression and been close to suicide. I'm better now, but any feedback or advice would be helpful. Thank you for reading:flower :o