Found Bmom on facebook. Ready to contact. But how?

This is at least your third post about finding this bio mom. You contacted her back in Feb and March with no reply. You have posted about encounters with birth mom of presumably your other children feeling frustrated and annoyed by their responses or rather lack of response (being on her cell and ignoring you). I suggest you let go of the need to somehow involve and control the lives of your children.s birth moms and focus on enjoying your children. Consider taking to someone to figure out why you are so focused on this. Also consider how much you want to involve your children in rejection experiences.

I think it's totally reasonable to be interested in making contact. I'd do a quick note, just to make sure it is her and to open the door to contact. Then see what happens...

I have also found our first FD who we have since adopted birth father on FB, but we already have a open adoption agreement which no longer includes the BF due to him not showing up the last time... But I would go very slow and start to see if she is even your daughters BM and then go from there and how she responds as she may not want to have any contact and dont give any names other then first until you make sure it is the birth mom and if she is, if she even wants to make contact... good luck!!!:cheer:

I haven't made an attempt to contact her birth mother yet. I've been taking these last few months to think about things and to feel her out. From what I have seen many of my fears have been calmed, she seems like a very nice person and it looks like she has a lot of support. I've taken my time because it is a huge step to make and I don't want to rush into it. Once it has been done I can't "undo" it and there are so many "what if's". All of our other adoptive children have or have had some kind of "openess" in their adoptions except this dd and I'd like to offer her that same experience if it's possible. We've had both good and bad experiences with birth familiy members within our adoptions and through those experiences have learned and continue to learn a lot. Yes, I did post about troubles we were having in one of those relationships but it's not as simple as you make it out to be (getting upset over being ignored when she was on her cell phone). We've had 8+ years since that particular dd's adoption and a couple years while we were fostering her worth of experiences with birth mother and she wasn't the only one making mistakes. It's been a learning and growing experience for all of us but obviously along with the bad experiences we also had a lot of good moments. I know openess in adoption isn't right for every situation and every family but it's something we have always tried to offer our children (in part because I was adopted by a step parent and I know how important those birthfamily relationships were to me as well. Even when they came with pain and rejection and heartbreak at times. It was part of my story. Just like it is part of theirs. In the end what you hold onto. As I just found out with the passing of my biodad is that those painful moments seem like nothing. What's left is love and the positive moments you shared together).

ouch....phxmama..... momofsix.....that is exactly how we reached out to DD's BMom.....I created a new facebook account with our pets names and sent a very simple message asking if it was she and who I was and asking her if she would like contact. She was thrilled and I was able to post pictures for her and messages......we were able to keep our privacy as she is a little unstable and are able to begin the relationship. I believe like you do that our children's birthparents are part of our children's story and if we can safely negotiate a relationship it is only beneficial to our children. They can guide us as to how they feel about it and how much or how little feels right to them. We can guide them through the relationship in the earlier years and as they grow up they will always know that we have always supported them in loving all members of their family. If the relationships are tougher the we have taught them the skills to navigate the relationship for them selves. SM

Sent off my letter today. Feeling a bit nervous but mostly very excited. (crossing fingers)

She accepted my friend request:woohoo: I hope she got my message and it wasn't lost in her "Other" folder. :eyebrows: Now I just patiently wait. :clap: :clap: :clap:

I haven't posted pics yet. I didn't want to pop that on her if her answer was no. But I have some pictures that I've gathered that I've prepared to put on there. Do you think it's okay to post them now that she has accepted the friend request or should I wait until she actually reply's to my message?

still no reply. This waiting is getting hard. Making me wonder if maybe I was too hopeful. She still is listed as a "friend" but still no reply. I keep reminding myself that it took me 3 months to finally message her after I had been hoping to find her all these years. So I imagine it might take her a while to respond back with the surprise it must have been for her. I have to admit that I am getting a little bummed. Thinking maybe she isn't as receptive as I had hoped she would be (though she did accept the friend request right away). I guess only time will tell.:confused: :hissy:

Are u sure it bio mom? I don't turn friend request down. Maybe this woman doesn't either. Was this a foster/ adopt situation? I just don't know, if I would be in a hurry and bring danger into my home. Also does the bio mom really want to be found? I would keep every thing private. I know if I wanted to find a daughter, I gave up for adoption. I would be letting the workers know. Maybe you should check into that. I'm not sure it's a good idea to just look on face book. Good luck on your search, but some people may not want to be found.

As we all know,While the mobile phone brings great conveniences to people, it also raises new challenge on the security of confidential work. In recent years, the wiretap, cheating in examination, medical negligence and gas station explosion with mobile phone occurred and it has aroused great concern of the society. Maybe it's one of the reasons that promoted the appearance of [URL="http://www.jammerall.com/categories/Cell-Phone-Jammers/"]cell phone jammer. [/URL]You may be watching a nice movie or enjoying your nap when you get free for sometime. Still you have chances of getting disturbed with your most loved ones and close friend chatting near you on the cell phone. At such hours, if you really care for your free time then you need to buy a cell phone jammer.

She might just be thinking about what to say... I can't Imagine the emotions I would be feeling in this circumstance. I think your feelings on openness are absolutely amazing and quite inspirational.

Still no reply and she has been pretty active on her page. For a while I kind of felt upset like she's rejecting my dd. Like maybe she is her dirty little secret (though not too much of a secret from the little I know) or a mistake during her troubled passed. It hurt a little that she wasn't receptive to the idea or that she wasn't just coming out and telling me no. But now I feel at peace with it. I did what I've been wanting to do and have at least extended the invitation and she knows how to get a hold of me if she ever decides she is interested. Until then my dd has access to more information/pics than she ever had before and hopefully just looking in from the outside occasionally when she may be interested will help her fill in those gaps and question she may have. Over all I feel blessed to have been able to find her. I enjoy reading her posts when I decide to look at her page from time to time. She really is an inspiration. She has a wonderful attitude and perspective on things and someone I could see being friends with or trusting my daughters heart to...if and when they ever do re-unite. :happydance:

I set up an anonymous facebook account where I contacted my children's bio mom and one of the three bio dad's. (I knew for sure who they were from pics of the kids they had posted) I tried to be friendly and understanding and pleasant with bio mom even though I did not hold her in high regard (her children were removed by DCF and I have read all about her and what she did to have them removed)..... I wanted to have a source of information about health issues primarily - and to know where she was in case my kids asked some day. After about a year in contact I couldn't take it anymore and I completely blocked her on the anonymous account. I could go into detail - but there is no point. I learned that she really is the person who I read about and she doesn't have her children because she SHOULDN'T have her children! On the flip side - the bio dad that I am in contact with is FANTASTIC. The only reason he doesn't have his daughter is because he is an undocumented alien who doesn't speak/understand much english. He didn't understand the system and what was happening and he risked deportation to fight for her when he knew he really didn't have the best situation to care for her anyway. He loves her truly, deeply, and unselfishly. My daughter gets to grow up knowing that her Papi loves her and never abandoned her. She gets to know aunts, uncles, and cousins. Contact with him has been difficult because of the language barriers - but more rewarding than we could have ever imagined.

FLBRADYBUNCH- Thank you for sharing your experience. I know every situation is unique and I'm glad you were able to establish healthy happy communication with one of them and their families. That is encouraging. We do have facebook contact with many of our childrens birthfamily members. For the most part I don't communicate directly or to frequently with them but they know I'm there and get to see/hear updates and I also get a sense of who they are and pictures/family history type stuff of what is going on in their lives. There are some family members who I don't trust and haven't included on facebook but in general facebook has been a great way for us to stay connected.