Scared and overwhelmed

Hi and welcome :) Would you be willing to foster, with hope to adopt? Being single is NOT a handicap! ! And it's not an issue for the agencies. /counties either. Nor is age! As long as you are healthy, there is no reason why you shouldn't adopt/raise a child. What age are you hoping for?

I'm not sure who is telling you that you can only adopt an older child with special needs. What type of adoption are you looking into? If you are looking to do straight adoption through the state this is likely true, not because of your age or being single, but because there are few young children who are legally free for adoption who are not being adopted by their foster parents. However, if you want to foster, as the pp stated, or if you are looking at private domestic adoption (either through an agency or independently) or international adoption, that is not the case at all. I was younger than you - 37 - when matched with my son through an agency. I know other people in their 40s who have adopted newborns or older infants domestically and internationally. It sounds like either you are looking for an option, like adopting a legally free infant from the state, that is very unlikely in general, or you have found an agency that just isn't single-friendly, and you need to look for someone else to work with.

Ditto what everyone else said. I am 44 right now, started getting certified when I was 41, and am foster to adopt in my state. My kiddos have been between 11 mo and 11 years when they arrived, and I have had one single, and 2 sibling sets. Where I am, straight adoption is not possible, but if you are willing to foster to adopt, and be a bit open to opportunities, it can be done.

Thank you for your responses. I have a friend who recently adopted her first baby at 43 with her husband. It was a domestic adoption through an agency. I know age does not have to be a factor, but I fear that a birth mom would not choose a 45 year old single parent for her baby. When I have looked into international adoption,most countries seem to have strict guidelines for who can adopt an infant or toddler. It seems as though I only meet the criteria for older or special needs children. I have not looked into fostering to adopt in much depth. Maybe I should explore that. I regret not acting sooner, as I do think that time and opportunities are slipping away. I applaud all of you adoptive parents. I think you are probably some of the strongest and most dedicated people around.

I was afraid that no expectant mom would choose a single, Jewish, bisexual woman, either. I would really suggest talking to several agencies and seeing what they think. It may take you longer to be matched, but not necessarily. Every emom is looking for something different in the parents they are choosing, so you may be just the right match for someone.

Don't stand in your own way. Your also let fear guide your way. If it is love you wish to give let love guide your way through this process. Talk to many people, interview agencies (you will know who else believes in your dreams), keep reading blogs, books or attend a support group of single parents to gather information. Then just make your decision. I am a single 41 year old who was accepted by an agency a few months ago. The agency was very supportive of the single parent. It is more you then your titles they are looking for. I have already met with my case worker a few times. Sometimes I get nervous about the future but know I would regret it if I never did this. The women I know who didn't do this regret this decision. Sending good vibes.

I was a 40-something single woman when I adopted a newborn from a private agency. Don't let your age discourage you.

I'm in my 40's. Just spent the past two years going through the adoption process in Russia. Got my referral last August, met my precious little girl in October, and then got caught up in the nightmare of my life...adoption ban. The past six months have been so painful, but I'm now at the point emotionally where I can take a step back and consider some other options. Lately, I've been thinking about adopting an infant domestically. My social worker and home study agency suggested this a few times to me after the ban, so I know they will be supportive if I decide to move forward. I completely understand what you mean. Being single and older, our options are somewhat limited. I'm so grateful of the support on this forum. I wish you all the best in your decision. I know the folks on here will be there for you with wonderful advice.

I adopted 2 siblings ages 7 & 9 last year. I am a 47 year old single dad. It has been very hard, but I'm glad I adopted an older sibling set. I have the energy to keep up with 2 very active kids but I know that will not be the case in 10 years. Being a single parent is exhausting. When you have to be someone's everything (dad & mom), while trying to heal emotional pain, it becomes mentally and physically taxing. As it stands now I will still be able to pay for college and retire at 62, which was my plan pre-family. You might want to consider older children. Mine drive me crazy at times, but they are amazing kids.

I was 45 when I brought my daughter home (but it took 3 years to do that) so there is hope. Start NOW!

I am 42 years old and I started the foster care process when I was 40. I am adopting my teenaged foster daughgter now and just got a call this saturday that a mother not connected to foster care has asked me to adopt her child which is due in January. I had given up on my dream of ever having children and now I have one and one on the way. It does happen. My daughter is considered "special needs" because of her age and I didn't think I could parent a teen well, at least not to start off as a teen, but I love her and she is "mine" now. My only regret is waiting so long. Don't wait.

We have adopted "special needs" sibling set girls, 16 and 7. It was the best choice we ever made. The "special need" is the ages of the girls. Normal kid/ teenager stuff, but wonderful. I encourage you to take another look at an older child.