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I have posted on here a couple of times before. Found my birthfather a month ago, and he didn't know I existed. I offered a paternity test many times in the beginning and he declined. Developing a great relationship with him, and he has embraced me as his daughter. His wife is having issues still with the concept of me in his life.
Now, after a month of knowing him developing a relationship with him and he acknowledges me as his daughter, the wife is NOW wanting a paternity test. Which is ok, I understand, but why now? Why after a month? Why voicing this now?
Now I can't help but to think of the 'what ifs'? My b-mom is sure that this man is him, and I trust her, but can't seem to sort out my emotions. He tells me this in an email, and I read it while at work. So overly frustrated and hurt. Just why now? Why not in the beginning before we became attached? I am 99.9% sure it will come back saying he is my dad, but that .1% is a killer on my mentality.
I will get it done, but just can't sort through how I am feeling. I know her request is understandable but just why now? After a month? After I have offered? I just feel like she is toying with my emotions. :grr:
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She might be reacting to his emotional state. I don't think anyone is quite prepared for it all. If you were willing anyway I would go along with it to put your mind to rest now that it's become an issue.
I can see how it would seem odd for her to make it an issue now though. I am not sure how I would react in your shoes. I would probably be hurt and extremely confused.
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In the beginning of reunion, everything has a heightened emotional impact. Every word, every contact, every action seems to carry implications with it and "mean" so much more than what is said on the surface. A grown daughter reuniting with her birthfather is often a very difficult thing for the birthfather's wife to accept. I'm sure the request seems unsettling and carries a but of sting with it at this point- I would feel that as well. But it is a reasonable request in the situation in general, and is better done now than later. It will settle it and it may be that it will free them both to really move forward in your relationship, having put doubts to rest.
I can see how it would sting at this point to be asked to prove paternity with a DNA test. But it's overall a reasonable request... and ultimately, a month isn't all that long. It may have taken his wife that long to start sorting through the emotions your contact with your birth father raised. It seems like, since this was something you were already prepared to do, you can move forward and get the testing done... and then you can ALL move forward and build a relationship once the proof is in.Good luck.
A lot of your story is very similar to mine, I found my bfather about a month ago. I didn't know that he didn't know I existed, I had been looking for him for years, so when I finally "cracked the case" I got in contact without really ever considering the impact it might have on his family. It was definitely a rough start, and his wife DEFINITELY had some issues at first; she actually went out and bought a dna kit within a couple days. We took the test, he is my father, and we've been kind of playing it by ear since then. I think in some ways the mate of the bio parent can feel a lot of confusing emotions as well when suddenly there's a child that's never been discussed at all, from a relationship long before their time. I had a similar situation arise with my bmom, she hadn't told her spouse about me either.Keep your chin up and try not to take anything too personally or harshly, it's a delicate situation for all of you and they probably have no idea how they should be responding to all of this.((Hugs)) Here's to hoping things smooth out with time.
Oh thank you so much! Nice to meet someone with a similar story! We will be doing the paternity test...going to buy one from Walmart or Walgreens. I understand the wife wanting it done, but just wish it came sooner. Oh well. I know he is my father and this test will prove it. He has been so sweet in allof this too. Thank you!
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