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Please tell me fostering can not be this hard. This is my first experience fostering although I have two biological and two adopted children of my own.
The boys I am fostering are 3 and 6 and have been with my husband and I for six weeks. The six year old has muscular dystrophy and is developmentally delayed, although that is not the issue. The behaviors are just out of control. The older boy needs to be supervised at all time. He gets into everything and when we try to re-direct he hits, kicks and bites. He also will pee in his pants when angry not to mention he runs out of the house. Both boys are extremely busy and do not listen to any directions. To top it off they do not go to sleep easily and will run out of their room even after a busy day.
The younger one has made a bit of progress when he is by himself during the day but as soon as his brother gets home from school he is off the wall. They also hit each other constantly. I can not take them both out together by myself. They run off, tantrum, take things and throw them,etc. My husband and I took them to my older son's soccer party last night and they were out of control at the house. The older one was into draws, the garage, etc. We had to leave because it was just too much for us to control.
The boys were in an experienced foster home before this and they disrupted due to behaviors, she felt they needed therapeutic care although I found that out after the fact. I was told something different and was naive enough to believe it.
My question is...... can someone possibly be expected to deal with this in a regular foster care situation. Right now my husband and I have no life and my own kids are suffering because of it. We can no longer relax in our own home. I think if I had just one of them I could manage but the two of them together is just crazy.
I am so exhausted right now. The social worker sees the behaviors and has even asked me to pick up the boys from a supervised visit after 10 minutes because she could not control the older one.
I really hate to disrupt on my first placement but right now I see no other option. I would be happy to keep the younger one because I think he would do well by himself.
Any thoughts....suggestions? Is fostering always this hard?
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Thinking of you and hoping you find a path forward that works for your family. I think number is you need to keep you kids (bio and adopted) safe. You did not mention their ages. Also, these fosters may need to be seperated. I would probably have to disrupt or discuss seperations of the kids for safety. On the other hand, 6 weeks is not long. Going to a soccer team party would probably be "too much" for these kids.
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I'm sorry that your first placement was so difficult. I am not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do because only you can really know. In my experience placements are not always so difficult so don't let this experience sour you. BUT they are challenges. Even the lower risk cases have problems beyond that of bio children.
Your 6 yr old is very much like the one we have. I have to say that we stuck it out since it is our first placement and we're gullible like that. I thought maybe they were all like that. I mean, they do tell horror stories in class. Now we're 7 months in and the child is pretty good. We've learned to work together. She's attaching to us, and she now wants to earn our approval. It isn't to say she's 100% better, but we haven't had a screaming rage where she breaks/throws everything in sight for months now. So, it can get better.
Hi All,
Thought I would give a quick update. I still have the boys and things are still pretty challenging. The six year old needs supervision at all times and can still be aggressive. He hits, bites, throws, etc. This is hard because he will go for the dog as well as my two daughters. We have tried Risperdal but I am not sure that is helping that much. Bottom line is that he is a special needs kid and his diagnoses of Duchennes Muscular Dystrophy is a complex one, not to mention the trauma he has had in his life.
The younger boy is great when I have him alone but when his brother is around he gets crazy. It is so difficult to control both of them and now that summer is here they are both home. I tried the six year old in a camp but was called after two hours because they could not handle him. There are limited special needs camps and they were already filled. Daycare is an option but finding one that would take him would be tough and I am not sure a regular daycare is what he needs.
We go for an evaluation today to see is he qualifies for Therapeutic foster care, this was the recommendation of his last foster mom. I am not sure why he did not qualify last time. After that I will need to make a very difficult decision. He can be a very sweet little guy and I know he needs help but I am just not sure I can give both boys what they need as well as my own kids. It has been very hard on the whole family. The social worker said she would consider splitting the boys since the younger one is so attached to us, but I know I will feel horrible letting the older one go.
If I could see any improvement I would feel better but I am not sure I am getting anywhere. I know my husband and I are strong parents. I have a degree in special education and we have four children and they each had their own unique issues but boy do I feel like a failure! I am so tired right now.....when they are awake there is never a moment to just breathe. They are all over the place and I feel like I need to keep them entertained at all times.
What to do??????
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