toddler attachment tips

Hi Wannababy4, I am pretty new to adoption so not sure what "legal risk foster adopt" means. Please enlighten me to the term. That said, my bio son is moderate RAD and ages 3-5 was at his VERY worst...would not have said moderate back then. He is also high anxiety. I would say from my experience a few things are highly important to my son...and always have been. Schedule and routine...same thing, no suprises. That would be ideal for him. That is also not realistic so when I know there is a change in the schedule I prepare him at least a few hours ahead of time. If I do to early with him he will be fretting over it, asking unreasonalble question and just plain anxious. I try and give him enough time to accept it, and work a plan out in his head and do question and answer if he needs it. I see your kids are going to be young. I would still talk to them and prepare them for change...they will understand you eventually and you will establish a routine for both you and them. The next at the top of list is safety and security. My son is 6 now. He has always needed me to make him feel secure. The most demanding parts of my life with him is staying with him through things that children without attachment issues don't need. It's like he should be able to do some of these things or be okay with some of these things he is just not able to do or process because of RAD. Mine is getting past the raging part of RAD...and I am THANKFUL! He is still behind in areas and we are working on being better in public and peer groups,...he is struggling in these areas. I am no pro in this but it seems the attachment kids are #1 just behind in most developmental areas than there non attachment peers, #2 just unable in some areas (which has been hard for me to accept) at least for a while. Not that amazingly they won't eventually get it. I would also recomend you look into some info on the parasympethetic nervous system. I have studied that A LOT and understanding how that effects the unattached child has helped me stay calm and have hope. The PSN is fight or flight...basic life instinct. It is also where the unattached child functions. Best of luck, Farm Mama

I am no expert because we are still really working on this. But here is what helped so far: --we didn't go anywhere or see anyone for the first 6 weeks --we bottle feed him in our laps, even though he was used to doing it himself --we spoon feed him at meals, even though he could do it himself --I carried him in a sling for about 2 months --he sleeps near our bed --we do early intervention through the state and they have taught me lots of great activities to promote bonding --I just pray and pray that I can be equal to the task ahead of me!

Oh, and by the way, we are in a similar boat--legal risk foster adoption to a toddler. It is a long road! Probably 1-2 years before we can finalize.