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We just had a placement fail and are considering trying this again but our trust in the caseworkers giving full and honest disclosure has been compromised. We had 4 things that we said that we absolutely could not take and we ended up having 3 of the 4 issues. Do caseworkers often gloss over problems in the hopes of finding homes? In retrospect, we should have been pushier in asking questions and insisting on speaking to the other caseworkers involved in this child's life but I'm so upset that they placed a child in a home where it was not a good match. We were so upfront about what we could and could not take and were ignored. Is this common? We are now heartbroken, angry and feel like failures because we couldn't help this child....
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They don't always have time to look through files and find the 'right' match. Sometimes (here, almost every time unless they happen to know you) they are just calling down the list of FPs they have. It is up to you to figure out if the kid may fit.When we were licensed I put together a list of questions to ask every time I got a call. The "automatic dis-qualifiers" were mixed in with questions that I didn't care as much about but were good things to know. I usually waited till a few questions in before saying, "I'm sorry, I don't think we are a good fit." I have yet to make it all the way through the list. Usually by that point I get a feel for the kid.ALWAYS ask questions and don't feel bad for it. Sometimes there are things the CW who is calling is not allowed to tell you, but if you ask they are allowed to answer you. Also, they don't know what you would like to know out of the info they have. Sometimes they can call someone else and get the answers to your questions, but they have to know those questions first.
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Insist on getting the child's characteristics in email or writing. The CW should almost always know and "not having time" is just the most silly thing I've ever heard. If they don't want to type the email, then you did it and send it to them - saying that you understand that this is the details that you are accepting placement for.
I am not a troll, BTW. Occasionally the CW might not have the info, but neither they nor you want the placement disrupted over lazy matching on their part. They should be able to get you the info within 3 business days. That way you can disrupt quickly if you need to, which is better for the child than letting them bond.
Was the characteristic something they knew or easily could have known and that's why you are frustrated?
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Yes, we have received another call. We are taking it slow and really focusing on making sure that we get a good match for not only the child but also a good match for the child's social worker. Our last experience was with a social worker who was primarily focused on finding a home for a child rather than making sure that the home the child was being placed in was a good fit. She glossed over problems assuring us that the child did not have RAD or sexualized behaviors when it was quickly apparent that this child had both of these plus many, many more issues. When we tried to talk to her about it she stated that to label these kids is a death sentence and she would seek a diagnosis for a child. I view things differently. I believe that a diagnosis is a key to services and help and to put a child in a home that is unable to care for a set of issues is setting everyone involved up for failure. So all that being said, I think finding a social worker who you can work with is almost as important as finding the right child. What I also learned from the experience is rather than ask about dx is that it is more important to ask about the presence of behaviors that are indicative of a serious, serious problem. Rant over....