Baby to go to family

I also need to note that we have an 8 year old DD that has bonded with Jellybean. She has wanted a sibling for as long as I can remember and was thrilled Jellybean was here. How do I prepare her?

Well, its really a difficult situation for you as well as your kid and as an emotional person who has bonded well would miss it all the more. But that is the reality and you will have to deal with it, sooner or later.

I'm looking for some specific things to do/ not do prior to the baby leaving. Things that will assist my daughter and I with the transition.

Are you in touch with the family? Can you get pictures of them to show jellybean and your child, and talk about the upcoming move? Try to be positive in front of the children, answer questions from your child honestly. "This is jellybean's aunt/uncle, we love our family and they love jellybean and want to care for her". Make a life book for jellybean with copies of all the pictures you have taken so far. Maybe write a letter that jellybean can read when she is older. Thank you for caring for this LO.

First of all- I am SO sorry for your loss. It IS a loss that you will grieve- don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I went through this just a few short months ago- in March, with Squeaks who was placed with us at 5 weeks from the NICU. She was my first experience with motherhood- DH and I are infertile and we are also foster-to-adopt- we hoped we would be one of the "lucky" ones not to lose a placement before we get to adopt. Things looked "good" for a while, as there was just no contact from the bios and the maternal family had supposedly said no (even though they had her young siblings). Feb 6th, about 2 months to the date of when she was placed with us- I received an email from her worker saying that the maternal GP's had changed their minds and were going to get approved to take custody. I had just had Squeak's 3 month old pictures made and had to tell DH when I brought her to his work for the first time that day to introduce her to people. At first I didn't know what would happen or how fast. GP's had to pass background checks but I knew they would pass since they had her siblings. I called the GAL and broke down crying- she was really sweet and told me how things would likely go. As it turned out- we were going to have to wait another full month to transition. I can say that was the hardest month of my life so far. Loving this little one like she was mine but knowing she was leaving... Some things I did that helped me and hopefully made the transition smoother for her. First I wrote a heartfelt letter telling her about her first days with us- what she did for us teaching us to be parents- funny things she did. I wrote about how we were going to miss her so much but were so happy for her that her family loves her and wants to be with her. I wrote all of our contact info and told her that we would always be here for her- even when she is all grown up. I made an album of her time with us to give to her GP's (I made one for us too). I made a "treasure" box full of mementos I had saved- even her hospital bracelet with her bio mom's name....she came right before Christmas so I put in her first Christmas outfit and shoes. Don't get me wrong- I wept through all of this. But that is healthy I think... I also wrote a 3 page list of her habits and care routines. I was simple- but thorough. I continued to add to it as I thought of things over the month. I also talked to the SW- who seemed to be a very good, kind person- and expressed our desire to meet them and be a support to them. It was REALLY hard to to this- but I kept thinking that is what Squeaks needed. I really encourage humbly and gracefully reaching out to the bios if they will let you- let them know you want the transition to be as smooth as possible. Be honest. Let them know you love jellybean and are going to hurt when she is gone- but that you know it is so important to have your bio family there if they can be. We invited the GP's and siblings over to see her- they hadn't since the hospital. They seemed like nice, gracious people. They are not from my area and there were some cultural differences- but I could tell they loved their grand daughter or wanted to- and that helped me a lot. I bought nice plastic bins and organized all of Squeaks clothes- toys, books and care items. I kept the big things we bought before she came- but sent a lot with her. I had my parents (who are divorced) over separately a few times to say their goodbyes- it was so hard on them too- maybe worse for them because they expected it less than me. The day she left DH took off work. We dressed her cute- she took a good nap and had just woken up when the GP's came from court to get her. They were so sweet- hugged me and cried with me and invited us to still be a part of her life. That meant the world. Do I still worry-yes. They are older and not as concerned with every detail like me. One or both of them smoke (ugh). They were not sure what to do with the car seat. But I AM glad that she has them and her siblings. Would I have rather her stayed- of course. But it is easier to have perspective when you past the storm. I babysat for her a few weeks after she left. That was both wonderful and SO hard- I grieved again pretty hard when she left. We were on hold at the time- that is something that is good for some people- for us it was good I think- and it set us up to get Daisy who I know is meant to be with us right now. Other people prefer to open right back up and be busy with a new placement right away. I still think about her a lot- contact with GP's is dwindling- which doesn't surprise me. I pray often- that was another huge help. I trust that God has His hand on Squeaks AND our lives and knows what He is doing. But there are still days when I miss her. Because I love her. Don't be afraid to grieve and let your daughter do the same. Involve her in helping prepare for the move...let her pick out something special to send with JB. Let her write a letter. Let her help with an album. It may seem cheesy but you can also use the Mary Poppins analogy- you all are the "Mary Poppins" and JB doesn't need you anymore now that her family is going to love her. But you will care for more babies! The day she leaves- plan something fun and distracting for your family and for your daughter. We went to see a movie- first time since having a newborn in our home. It helped. It DOES get better. It is so hard and I can't say we will keep moving forward if we are not able to adopt Daisy. But you will come to a point where you smile and laugh at your memories instead of cry. I promise. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk. I really understand.

Thank you RobinKay and BS1979. I may PM you later (Bs1979), but this was exactly the information I needed. As I read your post I was sobbing- it's so fresh and real still. Obviously I'm not the first person dealing with this so getting your honest perspective was invaluable- truly. I will pray that Daisy is your forever baby. Again, thank you for opening your heart and sharing your story with me.

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. My first (who many believe should have stayed with me) got moved to family. It was the most heart wrenching thing I have ever been through. I still cannot think about the day she left without tearing up - a lot of times out right crying. We had an incredibly strong bond and it was a huge loss for both of us. Though the pain is incredibly great, there is healing. It takes a bit of time, but it does eventually come. I would make a life book for your little one, but maybe also do one with your bio daughter and have her help. While you're working on it together you can talk about putting memories in so that she'll remember after the little one is gone. I did a baby book for my FD as I had her most of the first year of her life. In the back of it I wrote her a letter telling her how much I loved her, but God had chosen for her to move to her family members. (I don't know if she even has it anymore because she's moved to another family member since then. :() I also made a little treasure box for my FD and put in special little things that we had collected during her time with me. Difficult, I know. I don't know that you can ever be fully prepared for the day they leave. (I prayed every day for a long time that something would change and she'd be allowed to stay/come home to me). Allow yourself time to grieve. Know that this little one is better off for the time and the love that you have put in. I have been fortunate enough to continue seeing her about once a month - does not happen often I've heard. It does my heart good to see her growing and settling..., but I still miss her like crazy. When you're ready - take on another one. The little one I have now has been a healing balm to my soul. She is the little light of my life. She is likely with me forever and has offered me some hope in this crazy system we involve ourselves in.

Thank you, MamaTeacher. Your story and your willingness to share are so helpful to me. I am lucky in many ways, and I am taking all of the information that you all have so graciously shared and using it.