Advice about how to approach birth father

Wow. Uhhh.... Of course he has every right to know you exist. But it may bring much pain, anger and sadness for him. And maybe for you, depending on his reaction. Do some introspection to feel out why you want to contact him. Your existence will rock his world. And then what are you going to do? If he is open to it, do you want a relationship, or are you satisfying your curiosity, getting the information you want and need and then that's it? Wow. I don't know exactly how to go about it. But since he doesn't know about you, be respectful of him and his life and the huge shock this will be. Approach him privately, so he can tell his family when and how he wants to. Be prepared for anything. He might reject the very idea of you. He might be thrilled and grateful to know you. Since you have only your birthmother's word (and it is probably correct), I might start out with an introduction of yourself, saying I am ______(name), and I was born to __(birth mother's name) on ____(date). [By this point he may be putting pieces together.] I was told by ___(birthmother) that you are my birthfather. I would like to ____ - whatever you want the next step to be - talk with you, meet you, etc. You can tell a little about yourself, but I would be careful what info you share until you are certain that he is your birthfather and that he wants a relationship with you. Good luck! And hopefully others will chime in as well.

This is exciting! And, yes, it is scary, too! You are NOT selfish for wanting one of your closest blood relatives to know that you exist. He has a right to now, and you have a right to tell him. While I agree with Juliana in theory, in practice, it is really difficult to know what you want from your b-family before you ever meet them. Many adoptees will say that they just want to know who their parents are. Then, they will be okay. Often once the parents' names are known, adoptees want to contact them and ask questions. At that point, many believe that they don't want a relationship. They just are curious and want answers. But, once adoptees meet or talk to their b-parents (and other b-family members, they often do want a relationship with them.) So, I'd be less concerned with knowing exactly what you want from this encounter, and I'd be more concerned with preparing yourself for the possible outcomes. Can you handle it if he rejects you? How are you planning to contact him? If you're going to contact him via FB, I would probably say something similar to what Juliana suggests. And, then, wait to see what he replies before adding more information.

CWillett, my situation was exactly the same. My b-dad never knew I existed either as him and my b-mom basically had a one night fling before he dumped her and left the state. So when she found out she was pregnant with me she couldn't find him to tell him about me.You have that basic right to know your medical history and nationalities. We all do. It is not selfish to want to know him. On May 3rd of this year, my b-dad found out I existed. It was a punch in his face but he embraced it fully. His family--not so much. I have vented in the search and reunion section of this forum about my story. Knowing him, has brought so many emotions to me. I cried every day for weeks and weeks. Don't cry now, but do feel rather down if I don't hear from him. But I know he loves me. It is hard; but I don't regret finding him and getting to know him. When I first met him I offered to do a paternity test which he declined. After 5 weeks of knowiing him his wife demanded that we do one--which made sense but it hit me the wrong way. SO I suggest do a paternity test ASAP if/when you do meet him. I bought a paternity tests from Walmart for $26.88 and then $140 for lab tests. Get results in a week and they are well known company.Best of luck.. We are all here for you. It is a hard journey if you decide to take it, but I don't regret mine. Not one bit.