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Hi, everyone! I'm Ashley and my DH is Ron. :love:
We have an 18 month old bio daughter, and two furbabies.
We decided a while ago that we wanted to adopt from the foster care system, and we finally made some calls back in May. I knew that we would probably be taking the classes through our county, but I definitely have not had a pleasant experience so far. We are supposed to begin classes early next month, but we still have not even received information to register for them, even after emailing them.
I would like some honest opinions on our family. We are young. I am 24, DH is 25. When I originally called to inquire, the woman on the phone actually scoffed when I told her our ages. Is it seriously *THAT* hard to believe that we could do this? It was very discouraging, and IMO unprofessional. Then when I told her we had a toddler she basically said they would never consider placing anyone out of birth order, so we'll be waiting for quite some time.
I know that this is not going to be an easy road. The classes themselves are very drawn out and take about 6 months to complete because of the way they are scheduled. We actually liked this aspect because it fits perfectly in our schedule. BD gets to spend time with my in-laws and neither DH nor I need to take off work.
I also kind of feel like they underestimate us. DH is a police officer in a city with a very high poverty rate. He's dealt with CPS more times than I'm sure he would like to recount. I have a BS in psychology and I'm almost done with my two MA degrees in applied behavior analysis/autism and neuropsychology. I run a gentle parenting/attachment parenting community online as well. We have an awesome support system.
Sorry this is so long. I just don't really want to waste my time taking the classes, getting through all of the steps, etc. if we never get considered, ya know?
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I don't think it would be a waste of your time. Your age shouldn't be a factor - here I think you have to be 21 to get licensed. I was surprised when I first got started at how unprofessional some of the people working at the agency were. Don't let it turn you away. If this is something you really want to do - go for it!
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I don't think you will have a problem. Don't let someone who just happened to answer the phone discourage you.
Did you call CPS (the county) or was it a private agency? You might want to make some other calls, if there are options in your area, and just talk to others to see that all are not as discouraging.
A lot say not to place outside of birth order, but it is individual, I know those that have and it is working for them...so who is to say what is best for your family, only you and your DH can answer that. Besides by the time you are ready your little one will be two, or nearly so, and there are a lot of babies that need care, so it is not like you would have to wait for years to get a placement if you didn't want to place outside of birth order (it might seem likes years when you are waiting, but trust me, it won't be).
Good luck and welcome...
Wow that's awful. I completely understand the judgement when it comes to age. My husband and I are 25 and I wwas concerned we would get that response. We underwent years of fertility treatmnets and aren't able to have children of our own. I was shocked when I spoke to the worker at the agency and got such a warm response. I think you just need to call arund and find people you are comfortable working with and being licensed through. But expect to be the youngets people in class, we are mid classes and feel so out of place. Good luck and don't give up. :banana:
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Thank you everyone! :thanks:
I kind of expected some resistance, but I figured we would just have to prove that we wanted to do this. I just didn't expect it to be so blatantly rude, I guess!
We are definitely going to at least take the classes and become licensed. I feel like we need a better agency for support. I'm meeting with a local pastor next week. She and her husband adopted three kids from foster care over the last few years, so hopefully she can offer some advice about local agencies.
please don't allow one jerk to affect your desire or enthusiasm. I remember when I decided I wanted to adopt I called the county CYS and told them I wanted to adopt a child through foster care and asked for some guidance. The exact words of the person on the other end was 'no, huh uh, we don't do that' and then they hung up--I didn't let that deter me. I finally found an organization and called them. The person I spoke to talked to me for an hour and a half and answered all my questions and I ended up adopting 4 children through that agency. I am considering adopting again in the future and will definitely go through that agency.
As far as your question about your family- you sound like a perfect candidate to adopt. With your education and your husband's experience I would think they would jump at the chance to have you as FPs
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We too are new and so far my experience has been...Our county has been pleasant but classes were in two different counties (neither of them are OUR county) After numerous calls to schedule the first four I got a call the Friday before classes started. At 4 in the afternoon :/ and then when we attended the woman in charge was NOT pleasant At ALL. I told DH if we would have dealt with her in our county we would have stopped before we even got started. Second county I called to finish last few classes again no call back for two weeks. And then the info was very minimal but at least we were scheduled. Just be persistent and Good Luck
You are not too young. The minimum age here is 21 and it sounds like you are both well educated. They do try to downplay the infant placements because they don't want folks just thinking - easy, quick, free adoption of healthy infants.In regards to your husbands profession. There could be a bit of a challenge and could even become an obstacle with some cases. You'd need to always ask if there is DOC involvement when they call and even then you don't always know who the families are of kiddos when a call comes. If he is in any way connected in any shape or form to anyone related to, linked to, or even associated with a family for whose child you are providing care for it will be a conflict of interest and could disrupt both the DCF and the criminal case. And even if not an issue at the time of placement this could occur during the placement as he never knows what lies ahead each day. Could be a real monkey wrench in his carreer and protential placements. Just something to think about.
I would look for a different agency. Dh and I fostered for the first time at 22, and we had a bio dd at that time who was 2. They would not place kids older than her in our home, but we still had brothers once, a newborn from the hospital, and a few other kiddos all younger than dd. we never felt like we were looked down upon for our ages. We were both college graduates at the time, we had been married a couple of years, and owned a home with lots of fun stuff for little kids to enjoy. Not all agencies are the same, keep looking.