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I am a foster mother to a 1 1/2 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. My husband and I took them into our home knowing they might go back with birthmom and BF. They do visits but are canceled at least once a week. We have had a tough time with the kids behavior and at night. We both have tried really hard to find a connection with these kids, but we feel its very overwhelming and has become too much for us to handle... Also we don't have the connection I thought I would with them. I have reached out to family and friends on how to help the kids and not much seems to work. The birth parents are not looking like they are going to do what they need to get them back. Are these feelings normal? How do you know? Will it be an instant connection or does it take time... a lot of time? :confused: We have emailed sw for help haven't heard anything just yet. We feel if the connection isn't there now it won't ever be...
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In our findings about kids in foster care, they have many issues and many of them coming from abuse, so the kids needs time to know you will be there, although yours are very young so not sure why they are having issues with bonding, as the younger ones are usually able to adapt and the memory of the issues are easier to blend away, we have taken in kids both young and older, and they are usually either very loving, and will love anyone, no stranger danger at all and will happily kiss anyone and go up to anyone, and others will be very shy and withdrawn, which in our past are the hardest to overcome.... but I think what you have done by seeking the social workers help is the correct thing as she may have more input on their particular case and history, it is really sad what bios do to their children and that they just do not get it.... but then neither does the state which is a whole other case... LOL best of luck!! and keep loving them and hopefully it will turn around, how are the children on the visits they have had with bios? as that may also give you insight of the "kind" of love they have been used to?
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I am only 6 months in to our placement that we hope to adopt, but for me, the connection has been slow. I think we underestimate the biological connection. It isn't everything, but for me, it makes a big difference. I bonded with my birth children differently.
However, my husband has had a different experience. He has bonded in a similar way--maybe because he never nurses our children or takes care of a baby in the way that a new mother does. So for him, the experience of adoption vs. birth isn't all that different and he feels a strong bond. Thanks goodness one of us does!
Best of luck. It is hard but I think time and a lot of therapy help!
We received our first placement (FD 1 1/2 and FS 5 1/2), and we bonded with the baby within a couple of days, and Lil Man within a week. We are now hoping to adopt them. However, we had another placement that we did not bond too well with. We loved them, and cared for them, but the bond just wasn't there.
As for the behavior, I recommend 1-2-3 Magic...It's a great book, and you can also view the video. It's not magic, but it does help.
Best of luck!