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So today was the yearly visit with my daughters. I found out something that has me angry and very sad.
I should start by explaining that for the first 4 years of the oldest child's life(she turns 7 in a week) I did not go on visits. It wasn't because I did want to. It was because the birth mom would lie to me about them. She always claimed that they knew that I was their dad but I found out today that they don't. According to the adoptive parents they think I am just their birthmom's friend. I am so unbelievably hurt right now that I do not know what to do. They adoptive parent said that when they are old enough to understand they will explain to them who I really am but still....it hurts that I am so unimportant in all of this that because of her my kids don't know that I'm their birth father.....
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I'm so sorry that your children s First Mother has not been honest with your children, them or herself. Since now that they are older,and the AP will tell them, is it possible for you to negotiate a separate visit in the future?
Nothing can give you back your lost years, but you can have the future visits (even if shared), and not rely on FM.
I am an AM, and we have yearly separate visits for the Maternal and Paternal sides. Usually over a weekend, and 4 hours for 1 side, and then 4 hours the next day for the other side. Usually the parent and grandparents show up, occasionally we have had cousins, and Aunts show.
As your children get older, it will be more important that you have invested emotionally with them, separate from their FM.
Good Luck and keep us posted
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thehumanpunchingbag
So today was the yearly visit with my daughters. I found out something that has me angry and very sad.
I should start by explaining that for the first 4 years of the oldest child's life(she turns 7 in a week) I did not go on visits. It wasn't because I did want to. It was because the birth mom would lie to me about them. She always claimed that they knew that I was their dad but I found out today that they don't. According to the adoptive parents they think I am just their birthmom's friend. I am so unbelievably hurt right now that I do not know what to do. They adoptive parent said that when they are old enough to understand they will explain to them who I really am but still....it hurts that I am so unimportant in all of this that because of her my kids don't know that I'm their birth father.....
That's sad, I'm guessing the workers or judge didn't know who you were. They usually put notice in the news paper.
Why didn't you tell the worker? Or were you not able to raise them. I m more confused to why you didn't tell the worker or judge, then anything else. I'm guessing she told them someone else was the father. Was your name even on the birth certificate? This is so sad for the kids.
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CRAZY_WOMAN
That's sad, I'm guessing the workers or judge didn't know who you were. They usually put notice in the news paper.
Why didn't you tell the worker? Or were you not able to raise them. I m more confused to why you didn't tell the worker or judge, then anything else. I'm guessing she told them someone else was the father. Was your name even on the birth certificate? This is so sad for the kids.
No the adoptive parents and the agency know. My daughters don't. The birth mom would lie about all the visits so she would get to have them to herself. So the girls just think I am her friend(because several times she brought friends with her on visits). They have no idea I am their birth father thanks to the fact she kept the visits a secret from my for several years. I did not want to do adoption. The first time I said I would support her in what she decided and the second time when I told her I didn't want to do adoption she lied to the agency and told them I was abusing her. She claims that the agency forced her but when they are calling me and saying "after all you did yo Liz you should sign the papers" I can't really believe that was the case.
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I wouldn't wait to tell them. They will only resent it. Tell them at your next visit and I'd ask the Amom to have a separate visit time. If you get visits they are going to question if your fmom's friend why she's not with you. Perfect time for the truth.
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