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I havee probably had the best 2 months of my life. No phone calls, no contact no nothing. We have been summoned to family therapy and my entire mood has changed. Tired all the time, crying, anxiety. I do not wantt to do it but my husband wants his daughter.
I am filled with anger and bitterness towards her as I am reminded every day i should have a Senioir and being taking Sr pics, ordering caps and gowns etc. I do not want her here. The site of her enrages me and i am enraged at my husband because he wants a relationship with my abuser. He won't do it by himself because he says I will be resentful and he is correct if I am being honest.
My oldest son says if she is at family holidays he won't be.
My husband says he just wants some phone contact and us to take her out for dinner once in a while. But I feel he will want it to progress past that and I don't want that.
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I spent a good part of my morning reviewing your posts for the past several years. I am so sorry this has been such a harrowing journey for you and your family:(
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Oh, dear. I wish I could just hug on you. I wish I could make this better.
Please keep us posted. My thoughts are with you. Let me know if there is anything I can do.
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We can't even get our lawyer to call or email us it is a JOKE. Good thing her GALA became a judge so now I can file a complaint with the bar against her..
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She'll be 18 soon, and perhaps her obtaining adulthood and you not having to interact with all the professionals and social workers will give you some peace of mind at that time. Hang in there...
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Sassafrass
I get it and I understand the underlying sense of anxiety this is creating for you.........hugs and please try to disengage, disengage, disengage.
Get a little mantra or two that you can say in your head or out loud when needed......Does the therapist get it at all??
ie.....I am going to walk away now
- I do not wish to engage in this topic any further
- I will not discuss this until you are respectful
- I will not engage in this game/plan/discussion/pity party/blame.........insert appropriate :grr:
Hugs again SM
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sassafras
... he wants a relationship with my abuser. He won't do it by himself because he says I will be resentful and he is correct if I am being honest....
Is this part ever addressed in therapy? Are you and DH getting couples therapy in addition to whatever family/group therapy you are doing with her? It seems like that is something that really needs to be worked out. I know that most people would say that there is nothing more important than your kids but most are not where you are/have been with her. When all is said and done, the kids grow up and move out and have lives of their own, and you and DH are left together, so I'd say it's vitally important that you two put your relationship with each other first and have that as a solid foundation to dealing with whatever your daughter brings later. If you and DH can be on the same page in your relationship, maybe that will help him see your side of things and also help you manage your feelings about his wanting her in his life. Then maybe some sort of compromise can be worked out.
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Sadly the new therapist gets it but I think even she does not know what to do with this **** messs THEY have created.
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