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Hi, everyone! It's been forever since I've posted anything. I am glad that I came back as I just went to a cookout with BFam and brought my AMom along. Where do I start..there has been lots of drama in my bfam. There was a death in the family and bmom is and has been very clingy towards me and she said some things when I was with her at the cookout. She has a tendency to justify why she gave me up and the events around it, apologizing for it,etc. There were several things that she talked about, a few of them regarding my life with being adopted. She said that she didn't like the way I have been labeled as "disabled/special needs"(Asperger's/comorbid conditions), or the fact that I grew up being on all kinds of medication due to asthma and other issues. Since this weekend, I told my AMom about it and she was not mad, but concerned and let me know that my adopted family is my real family. My BMom from her tone when she said those things was what I think is major jealousy. (I could be wrong?). Honestly, the only reason why I wanted contact was to get questions from childhood answered. Now, BMom is wanting to spend more time with me, which I become nervous around her due to her lifestyle choices. I will say that I have learned a few things about my heritage, hobbies, etc. Sorry for this long post which probably doesn't make sense. Anyways, if anyone has any advice/thougts to share, that would put my heart, mind, and soul at great ease. Thanks and God Bless!!:)
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I don't care for the term disabled either. You just look at and related to the world differently from most other people. You're not disabled Yes, you may have more challenges than others, but you are still very capable of doing most things that people without Asperger's can do.I don't like the term "real family." It implies that the other family is fake or unreal. I personally have a real b-family and a real a-family. But, all adoptees are different when it comes to who they consider family. Give yourself time to decide how you feel. Don't let your a-family tell you who your family is. Don't let your b-family tell you either. You need to decide for yourself.If you end up deciding you don't want a relationship with your b-family, that's okay. But, make sure that is what YOU want, not just what your a-family wants.Give it some time and see how things progress.
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Your adoptive family is your real family.
I would limit the contact with your birth "mother" to what you're comfortable with.
I wouldn't let it quickly progress to BFFs hanging out a few times a week. Keep it slow.
I wouldn't tell your real mom (adoptive) about the contact with this woman either. I don't see your real mom knowing about your relationship with the woman who birthed you as helping anyone.
I would be careful about your birth "mother's" clingy-ness and not let her be dependent on your or too clingy or needy... she's a virtual stranger who you're just now getting to know.
Set boundaries that *you* are comfortable with.