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I am 28 y/o and have just started the process to look for my birth parents. Sometimes I wonder if I am just setting myself up for disappointment. They haven't tried looking for me so maybe that means they want nothing to do with me. As a birthparent what are your reasons for not searching for your child?
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Hi there, welcome to the forums!
Many parents of origin don't search because they don't believe they have the right to do so. Many do passive searches, meaning they register on a few online websites and leave it at that. Many search in more aggressive ways by hiring search firms.
It's hard to say why any individual does or doesn't take active action; the same holds true for adopted adults. I'm sure the fear of the unknown plays into it. Fear of rejection. Of opening up a painful time....who knows?
For a better understanding of what mothers of origin faced during the baby scoop era and closed adoption era, I highly recommend reading "The Girls Who Went Away". It's an amazing book.
I wouldn't (and haven't) start a search with any preconceived ideas about why they are or aren't searching. Or why they chose adoption. I've been searching for my now 30-year old son for several years now and I've worked very hard to try to simply keep and open mind and open heart about what I might find.
I recommend registering at ISRR and also checking to see if your state has a registry. Some states have opened original birth certificates. Hopefully you're lucky enough to have been relinquished in one of them!
Good luck! This is small but good group to work "talk" to!
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