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This is my first post, so I apologize if I say something wrong or my ignorance shows through. I am 25 years old and I recently found out that 35 years ago my mom gave a daughter up for adoption. It has been quite a rollercoaster of emotion since finding out about her. I facebook stalked her and it was cool to see how much she looks like my mom, my brother and myself. My moms family was not supportive. She had just graduated from college and was unemployed when my bio half-sister was born. My grandparents wanted her to have an abortion, but my mom refused. My mom's pregnancy has been hidden from the entire family and they have not discussed it since she gave birth. I know it was a different time, but I am having a hard time reconciling my grandparents being treatment of my mom and my half-sister with how they are today with their grandchildren. My bio half-sister initiated contact with my mom and they have talked on the phone some and they talk some on facebook. My brother and I want to get to know her, but we are unsure how to go about doing it. My mom thinks she would welcome the contact, but I don't want to be presumptuous. We thought we might just send her a facebook message and let her know were interested, but make it clear that its completely up to her and if our contact is unwelcome we will leave her alone. Any advice/similar experiences would be greatly appreciated!:flower:
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Pete,
I think the question of how to initiate contact has about as many answers as there are people that ask it. There are the personal preferences and comfort levels of both sides to consider. But I would not endorse FB as a means of first contact for reasons that have been mentioned in other posts on the boards. For one reason, FB can have a rather annoying penchant of not showing your message to the recipient unless they've already accepted a friend request. And then if you've already sent the friend request and been accepted then you've already made first contact.
Depending on everyone's comfort level I think your main options are phone, and either email or snail mail. All have their pros and cons. I think the fact that you're already concerned about being presumptuous is an indicator that you won't be. Your first message to her can be something introductory and include something along the lines of "If you're open to further communication then we can discuss it in more detail." You're not presuming that she is or is not interested in communicating with you. You get the idea.
The fact that she reached out to your mom could be an indicator that she's open to contact.
Best,
PADJ
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