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Didn't know how else to title this. I did respite 3 mo ago for a couple kiddos. They stayed 4 days. When the Fm dropped them off she was all smiles and warm. When she picked them up she was kinda grumpy and no smiles. I didn't take it personally, I just chalked it up to she was tired, or she was bummed that vacation was over,and now she's back to reality.
Well today a I ran into her at the store with her Fd. I told the little girl hi, she said hi[insert my name] then she looked back to look at her FM's leading or reaction. This FM was completely cold to me, didn't speak until I said hi how are you. She paused and gave me this irritated look and said fine and walked off. My son was with me and I asked if it was just me or did she give me the cold shoulder, and he said "cold shoulder". I'm stumped as to why she acted that way. The only thing I can think of is I forgot to pack a few of her clothes but when they texted me I brought them over within an hr. I get a text 15 min after dropping them off saying I forgot the shorts. I never got around to dropping them back off bc my son goes to the same school and I was going to have him give them to her but he kept forgetting. Finally the cw( we have the same one) picked them up at our last visit bc she asked for them. The shorts couldn't have been more than $4, but if that was the reason she responded to me that way, her world is pretty small.
Then I got to thinking the worst; ie maybe the kids made up some horrible story about me, BUt she was the first to tell me one of her FD stretches the truth a lot. IDK, if someone does respite for me I see that as a favor and I'm polite and courteous. It just bothers me that other ppl in the same boat can't reciprocate that!
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Some people are just RUDE! Its so annoying, though, isn't it? I work with a few people who are SO disrespectful and down right rude- 100% b*tches. She should be grateful for you doing respite for her, or appreciative, or at least friendly to you. Some people are just incapable of basic kindness, though.
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If she is that way to you, I can only imagine what she is like with the kids. That's really rude! She should be respectful to you for watching the kids. I would not do respite for her again.
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....and I was STILL trying to give her the benefit of the doubt when she walked off. Then a few minutes later I saw her in another aisle smiling and laughing with some guy giving out sample juice, so I know it wasn't just a bad day deal. She ended up in the line behind me and so I just turned to her and asked. ''Are you ok'', are you upset over the shorts''? I had a smile on my face when I asked. She says, no I'm fine. Yes I'm one of those women that will ask, lol. I came home told my husband, and he said, well she had her chance to say something if she was upset with you about anything and she didn't so that's on her. Elizabeth, this is the second time I did respite for her but these are two different sets of kids.
I didn't meet her the first time, instead I met her family member(they foster together) and she was very friendly. They asked last yr and I had to say no b/c I was already doing respite for someone else. So technically it's the 3rd time I've been asked.
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You know I let myself get upset over people like that all the time, even though I know it is a waste of time. I am betting the kids had a great time at your house, especially if they remembered your name and you! There are always those who are "blessed" with that better than thou attitude.
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My respite provider still has a couple outfits of ours, my kids wardrobe is extensive so I told her to let me know when she found them and if she didn't it was no big deal. I am grateful for her help and even if I was having a bad day I would never treat someone poorly.
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phxmama
You know I let myself get upset over people like that all the time, even though I know it is a waste of time. I am betting the kids had a great time at your house, especially if they remembered your name and you! There are always those who are "blessed" with that better than thou attitude.
They both told me they had fun and didn't want to leave. They also got buddy buddy with my daughter and wrote our number down b/c they wanted to call her. I'm really stumped. Oh well, I stopped stewing over it about an hr after I posted!
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KristieZ
My respite provider still has a couple outfits of ours, my kids wardrobe is extensive so I told her to let me know when she found them and if she didn't it was no big deal. I am grateful for her help and even if I was having a bad day I would never treat someone poorly.
That's how I'm thinking any normal person would take it. If it was that big of a deal to her she could have picked it up. I had to go pick something up that was left behind when respite was done for us, and it's no biggie. The shorts were your basic cotton shorts from walmart or the like. Again, assuming this is ''why'' she was rude to me. If you guys could only see the look of ''mean'' she gave me!!
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inshape
... her FD stretches the truth a lot. ...
Playing devil's advocate, and of course she
1. Should not have been rude to you under any circumstances and
2. Should have put on her big girl panties and told you what had them in a wad when you asked.....
But besides that, this part of your OP stayed with me. Maybe FD exaggerated what a wonderful time you had, and said something that upset her FM. Like if FD had a great time and wanted to stay in touch, maybe she blew that into "she'd rather live with you than FM" and maybe even "and you said you wish she could live with you...." Frankly, I'd be upset if I felt like someone was trying to poach my FK.
IDK. I don't know this kid, or you, or the FM. But I have had kids who blew things so far out of proportion that while it was easy for me to see the progression, the end story was a whole different situation than we really started with. Bottom line is, we never know what's going on in someone's mind, and unless they're willing to tell us, it's not worth the time to figure it out. I'm glad you got over it, but it IS very strange...
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Was she nicer to you in line when she said she was fine? Could it be she recognized you, but couldn't place you? I know that if my kids are friendly to an adult that I recognize but don't know I am very careful. I never know who is their biofamilies, and until I do I am careful with what I say and how I act.
On the other hand, I wouldn't have been rude either.
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Kezs
Was she nicer to you in line when she said she was fine? Could it be she recognized you, but couldn't place you? I know that if my kids are friendly to an adult that I recognize but don't know I am very careful. I never know who is their biofamilies, and until I do I am careful with what I say and how I act.
On the other hand, I wouldn't have been rude either.
That's the first thing my hubs asked, ''maybe she didn't recognize you''. However the daughter called me by name, and after I said hello, I told the little girl, ''my son goes to your school now and he was supposed to give you the shorts, but he kept forgetting''. So yea-she knew who I was, lol.
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swd
Playing devil's advocate, and of course she
1. Should not have been rude to you under any circumstances and
2. Should have put on her big girl panties and told you what had them in a wad when you asked.....
But besides that, this part of your OP stayed with me. Maybe FD exaggerated what a wonderful time you had, and said something that upset her FM. Like if FD had a great time and wanted to stay in touch, maybe she blew that into "she'd rather live with you than FM" and maybe even "and you said you wish she could live with you...." Frankly, I'd be upset if I felt like someone was trying to poach my FK.
IDK. I don't know this kid, or you, or the FM. But I have had kids who blew things so far out of proportion that while it was easy for me to see the progression, the end story was a whole different situation than we really started with. Bottom line is, we never know what's going on in someone's mind, and unless they're willing to tell us, it's not worth the time to figure it out. I'm glad you got over it, but it IS very strange...
Yes-that's why I said worst case scenario is that one of them lied about something. I would just hate that any lie would be believed b/c I not only take good care of my fosters, but good care of my respites. When they were here, I took them to the movies, swimming, VBS,etc. I'm actually going to see my cw this week and ask her if they were not happy with me for some reason.
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i'm a foster kid who just got moved into a new foster home not long ago like 2 weeks and the foster mom and her daughter have been really rude and mean to me. I'm 17 years old and my CYS caseworker hasn't answer me at all nor the people in the program i'm in. I have PTSD, brain damage, depression, bi-polar, and memory lost. My real father beat me and said things like what have you done to make me proud or happy. This foster mom acting like him and it trigger a flashback of him yelling at me and beating me. I don't feel safe in the house i am in and i'm back in the same boat i was last month with my mental health. I told my CYS caseworker after my court day in december that i want to go to a shelter but she didn't listen to me and sent me a family. this is my 4th family and i'm scared. someone please help me and tell me what to do or get the help i need.
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