Im the one struggling

So my husband and I have adopted 3 wonderful kids. Baby E is almost 2, chubby momma is also almost 2, and flower girl is 9. They are all amazing. The babies have been in our home from day one. Flower girl has been with us for one year. She has made leaps and bounds!! I don't want to lose sight of how hard things were when she first came. I felt truly hopeless. Im not at that dark place anymore. Our little family is in a new season. However, I am struggling with a few things and would love some encouragement. Flower girl is suffocating me. I truly feel like i am drowning sometimes. She follows me all through the house, talks NON STOP. She has to know every thing, be in the middle of every conversation, just never ending, draining behaviors. It seems as though she is just afraid of losing us. We are the only family that has ever loved her the way we do. So I understand her little heart. She is very attached to our family, and this is great! I just need some space. Ive talked with her multiple times about giving people the space they need, not eavesdropping... Etc, and its like she gives you a blank look and has no idea what you are referring to. Its very hard to communicate what the problem is because she doesn't understand. I also am very careful what I say to her on these topics because i don't want her to feel unwanted by us, or for her to feel like something is wrong with her. I know we will get there one day, she just wears me out if i can be honest. I am afraid i will never love her in the deep way i love the babies. Her behaviors annoy me at times. I hate even saying that. I feel like no one understands. I do love her, she is truly sweet and a blessing to our family. I just want the day to come where loving her does not feel forced or fake. Does that make sense? I am afraid i am a bad mom!!! She has bonded great with us, I am the one struggling with the bond! I want to do activities with her that will bond us, but i cant handle more than 20 minutes!!! She is exhausting to be around. Everything is attention seeking, crying out, dramatic, just a constant "LOOK AT ME. AM I PRETTY? AM I FUNNY? IM CUTE RIGHT? DO YOU LOVE ME?" I tell her these things as much as possible, but her little soul is an empty hole that i know i cant fill. I just don't know how to bond with her, i want to feel like my old self again, the person who is not totally worn out. I want to laugh and feel happy deep down. But instead i feel trapped and controlled by everything she does. Hear me when i say we've done everything the books say. A schedule, routine, games together, mother daughter time, father daughter time, family games.... Thats the problem. I feel like we are doing too much!!! I just want to have a normal life and not one based on trying to achieve some desired "place" with her. I don't know how to say it. I feel like i sound mean and heartless, undeserving of this sweet girl. I cant talk to anyone about it because they all say "but you wanted to adopt. You wanted this...." Help. Tell me it gets easier. Tell me she wont be 18 latched onto my leg for dear life. :)