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I just joined this forum looking for advice and an ear to listen. My partner and I have recently been placed with the handsomest little guy. We relocated in the middle of the adoption and consequently we agreed I would return to be the primary dad while he is working ( he is in Australia and I'm in south Africa, both of us are expatriates) . The issues seems to be me, he came from a very good foster family, and always was happy. He has been with me for 2 months now and it feels as if he is not as happy. I try very hard to make sure that I play or entertain him throughout the day and evening, I change his diapers regularly or as needed, I try to always make sure he has foods he likes to eat and that his bottles are not to hot or cold, I cuddle as much as he will let me and sooth him to sleep when he seems to want it over the mobile in his crib. I recently hired a 3 day a week nanny and he is absolutely happy with her when she leaves it's almost as if he is thinking "great I am stuck with him again". I wouldn't take it so badly if he behaved consistently but anytime it's he and I he isn't happy but anyone else added he is back to normal. What am I doing wrong? Am I trying to hard? I know it's only been 2 months but why is my little guy happier with others?
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Cause he is a kid ;) And you are the "old regular" and new people are interesting. You will be the favorite when he is hurt, or sick, or needs someone to wipe his bum -- but new playmates are always exciting. PLUS you are still forming an attachment - it just takes time. Lots of time. :) Keep doing what you are doing, don't over stress and with time you will see all the times you ARE the favorite and all the times other people come over to play you will be thrilled with the break
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My 1 year old does similar things although usually with Daddy. When Daddy comes home, I am CHOPPED LIVER and that's without the onions and gravy. She wants the new person. Keep in mind too that he's in transition. He's adjusting and the first part of them time can be hard. Don't take it personal. And try not to project your thoughts and feelings onto him. Make sure you aren't trying to hard. It's good to entertain, but make sure (and you may be already) that he has some independent play time too. Often, I'll sit nearby and let LO play when she wants to interact with me, she'll either come to me, or squeal at me or indicate that she wants me. Sometimes she honestly just wants to play with her toys without my "interference."So I'd say, give it more time, try giving him some space. I swear they can smell our emotions. It always seemed in sales that when I really needed that sale I couldn't get it. Somehow the desperation seeped through. I think the same thing can happen with kids.You're doing fine - don't beat yourself up. You'll get through this.
Dear Jen and DMarie,
Thank you for the advice, I think I just needed to hear that I was doing okay by other parents in my situation. He came from a foster family that has fostered over 50 babies in South Africa and no one prepares you for the insecurity you go through when you just want to show this little guy that you'll move heaven and earth for him to know that he is loved. It's also good to know I am the "regular".