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Our 3 adopted children all have learning disabilities, some of which was disclosed prior to the adoption but not the extent of it.... Even at first when we realized the problems we were facing I was sooo optimistic, thinking that hard work and counseling was the answer and we would have these great stories when it was all said and done. I haven't given up hope yet but it getting getting sooo exhausting and disappointing and my level of frustration is sooo high right now. First of all I work full time and we spend almost 4 hours every evening on homework... It is exhausting, the kids aren't cooperative and we aren't getting anywhere. Tonight I feel like throwing my hands up...I feel like it is my homework because if its not done I get notes from the teachers, etc. I end up basically telling them the answers which isn't helping matters, I tried having my oldest son help, he can't deal with the level of frustration, I have tried hiring a tutor...but haven't had luck finding a situation that works and is productive. I set up a meeting with the schools for next week but I'm not hopeful about it because they seem to think it is reasonable that I spend this time doing homework in fact they always have ideas of more things I can do to help! Has anyone been through this and have you been able to figure out a reasonable solution.
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Do your kids have IEPs? ---are they actually getting enough homework that it takes them 4 hours to do it or are they just taking that long to do it? I would talk to the special education supervisor at your school about the amount of homework they are getting. Kids with IEPs often are given some extra time during the day with a paraprofessional to help get some of the classwork or homework done so they don't have such a heavy load at home. If they don't already have IEPs and they have a diagnosis then you can request an evaluation be done to determine what type of intervention would be best for them.
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Boy, do I know exactly the frustration you're feeling! Been there, done that, still working on it! If they don't have IEP' talk to the school and get that in place ASAP. If they do, ask for modifications to them. They can shorten the amount of homework sent home and give additional time to work on it and turn it in. Even then, do not let it turn your home into a nightly battlefield. It comes down to the fact that these kids have emotional needs that you cannot fill if every evening is spent in hours of heated frustration, anger, and tantrums over something the school should be held more accountable for. Just my opinion, but these kids have special needs and the school needs to step up and do more on their part to find ways to help them AT SCHOOL! Advocate for your kids to get that help at school and never spend more than an hour daily working on assignments at home. Some days you even have to just let it go. When one of my kids are already having a bad day from some trigger that was flipped at school that day, I know they need something more from me than adding to their trauma so we just take the evening off. I just don't ask about homework that day. Sometimes they will bring it up later when they are feeling less emotional and then we'll work on it. Sometimes we don't. I tried the nightly battle for a long time. It was completely destroying the attachment and bonding process. I had to step back and adjust my priorities. I had to tell the teachers what I would and would not do at home and why. They were understanding and willing to do more on their end. This was not about lazy parenting, it is about family bonding and healing trauma's and you can't do that when you're at war with your children over something the school can and should be finding ways to accommodate on their end. Again, this is just my opinion, some may disagree, but for our family letting to of that battle has been a blessing.
I totally agree with the posts. Kids don't need to spend their whole day fighting school work. If you tell your kids teacher that when they can you will spend an hour on homework that should be enough. The hope is that at different ages they will be able to tolerate more or less work. You have to gauge it on the child. You know your child and what they are and are not capable of doing. there are times you can push them and times you have to protect them, only you know this. You make the rules and do what is best for that baby. Good luck.