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Hello. I tracked down my bmom back in '98, made contact with her and bsibs, had a reunion that year, then after a couple years I shut down emotionally and cut off all contact. Looking back on it, I was overwhelmed by different aspects of the relationship with bmom and having so many bsibs. I grew up an only child.
I felt bad for pulling away while they were so happy to have me be a part of their lives. I was bmom's first child, the other 6 (half sibs) came after she got married a few years later. I was never a secret; she always told them about me and what happened. I was shocked to find that my birthdate was well known to all of them and that I had essentially become a legend over the years.
Fast forward 10 years, the desire to reach back out had been lurking for awhile. I've had time to get a lot more comfortable with the new idea that I had a bunch of bsibs. One big difference is now I'm married with 2 young girls. My wife has always known about my reunion story, but she wasn't in my life back then so while opening this door again isn't new for me, it is for her. She has also been very supportive of my desire to rebuild the relationship.
I found my bmom and 2 of my bsibs on Facebook and reached out to them, apologizing for my sudden disappearance. They were all shocked but happy to hear from me. All of them are now adults, which I think makes it easier for me. Many of them have their own families now and they are very open with sharing pictures and info with me. They are good people, working hard to provide for their families, who have shown me nothing but acceptance and love.
My question is this: How have some of you with successful reunion stories decided to integrate your bfam with your own family?
My oldest (4) has a basic understanding about my adoption but at some point if things keep going well, I'm going to want explain to her and her little sister that they have numerous baunts/buncles/bcousins.
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I don't have any advice for you. I've only communicated with my b-parents thus far, and I don't have children.But, I did want to say how happy I am for you that even after your the initial pullback your b-family is apparently understanding and welcoming toward you. Fantastic!This is just general advice for anyone in reunion, and I think it would apply to your situation as well: go slowly! Let the relationships develop organically. Good luck!
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I know this is a late reply, but I figured I'd throw out my 2cents, for what they're worth...I agree with L4R that it's great that your biological family has been welcoming to you this second time around. I also agree that it's a good idea to take it all slowly, give yourself time to take it in, adjust, etc. There's no rush - you have a lifetime to enjoy the connections you're making, if you so choose.I've also been welcomed with love and acceptance by my maternal biological family - my sisters, aunt, grandmother, and even great aunt and second cousins have all been amazing. But, in a twist from your situation, they didn't know about me at all until I contacted them a few months ago. (Which makes me all the more amazed at the warmth of their welcome!) As for how to integrate, well, that's something I'm still working through, myself.My son is also 4. We traveled a few months ago to meet my biological relatives, and he took it all in stride when he was introduced to his new "aunties" and uncles and baby cousin. At that young age, kids are very accepting, and while your daughter might ask how you have "new" sisters and brothers, she might just smile and be happy to have more people in her life who care about her. Little kids tend to take things like this in stride. Especially if they send holiday/birthday cards or presents. My son certainly doesn't object to the extra gifts he's gotten since I connected with my birth family. :)You have time to explain in more detail as she gets older, but if she does begin asking for an explanation while she's still young, you can simply say that some people who've been adopted have two (or more!) sides to their family, and you feel pretty lucky that you're one of them, because it's great to have so many people to love. You can also say that these new people in your lives are really kind and loving, and you're happy to call them family. Keep it simple and matter of fact, since that's usually the best way to explain complicated issues to kids at this age.Best of luck to you as you get to know your birth family!