Relationship Problems/ Attachment style

Hey Everyone, I'm 24 yr old female and I was adopted when I was born. I have always had problems with relationships and dating and when I was googling when I felt, I came up with the adult attachment style of Fearful/Avoidant. It made me wonder if it is related to being adopted. Has anyone else experienced this or feel that this describes them in relationships?? Side note is that I just recently found my birth mother and I feel that I am engaging in these same relationship patterns. Our relationships is just beginning and I am really excited to get to know her, but I am so fearful that if she gets to know me that she will reject me or not like me. A person with a fearful-avoidant attachment lives in an ambivalent state, in which they are afraid of being both too close to or too distant from others. They attempt to keep their feelings at bay but are unable to. They may try to just avoid their anxiety or run away from their feelings but, instead, they are overwhelmed by their reactions and often experience emotional storms. They tend to be mixed up or unpredictable in their moods. They see their relationships from the working model that you need to go toward others to get your needs met, but if you get close to others, they will hurt you. In other words, the person they want to go to for love is the same person they are frightened to be close to. As a result, they have no organized strategy for getting their needs met by others. As adults, these individuals tend to find themselves in rocky or dramatic relationships, with many highs and lows. They often have fears of being abandoned but also struggle with being intimate. They may cling to their partner when they feel rejected, then feel trapped when their partner comes toward them. Oftentimes, the timing seems to be off between them and their partner. People with fearful avoidant attachment may even involve themselves in an abusive relationship. The fearful-avoidant attachment style is characterized by a negative view of self and a negative view of others. Those who fall into this category view themselves as unworthy and undeserving of love. Additionally, they feel that others are unworthy of their love and trust because they expect that others will reject or hurt them. Given their negative view of self and their view that others are bound to hurt them, those with a fearful-avoidant attachment style tend to avoid close involvement with others in order to protect themselves from anticipated rejection (Bartholomew, 1991). In some ways, this fearful attachment style resembles the dismissive attachment style, as they both result in the person being avoidant of attachments. Fearfully attached individuals however, have a negative self-regard and therefore rely on others to maintain a positive view of self. This need for approval often sets them up to become dependent on their partner even though they are initially very hesitant to get attached. That being said, fearfully avoidant partners are less likely than preoccupied partners to pursue attachment and make bids for affect because they anticipate they will be rejected when they try. The fearful-avoid attachment style may be one of the most difficult styles to understand. It is characterized by a strong desire to protect oneself and to avoid relationship, while on the other hand still having a strong desire to be in relationship. The most characteristic patterns of a fearful-avoidant style include a desire to be in relationship with others, while also feeling uncomfortable getting close to others, perpetual worry that one will get hurt if they allow someone in and an overall negative view of themselves. Due to the self-consciousness that a fearful-avoidant person experiences, they become dependent in relationships and may struggle with separation anxiety. They have difficulty building trust and often avoid conflict. They avoid displaying emotions and being vulnerable with their partners unless they are certain they will get a positive response. After entering into a relationship, those who are fearfully attached tend to be insecure and have more invested in the relationship than their partner. They tend to internalize problems in the relationship as being their fault and assume a passive role within the relationship. Due to all of the worries and fears experienced getting to know someone and that persist through their relationship, fearfully attached individuals often try to physically and emotionally avoid intimate connections with others. Understanding this attachment style can be difficult. So if youre still not sure where you stand, here is a list of the most common symptoms that characterize the fearful-avoidant attachment style: - A negative view of self (low self-confidence) - A negative view of others - A desire to be connected with others paired with a very strong hesitation - Fear of rejection - Fear of abandonment - A sense of not being good enough or worthy - Fears so predominant that you want to withdraw or avoid relationships - Difficulty trusting others - Feel more invested in your relationships than the others involved - Take a very long time to get into a relationship, but tend to be dependent once it begins - Often try to avoid conflict - Hesitant and reserved in how much you share about yourself and your feelings - Tend to be passive in relationships - Have a very hard time breaking off relationships due to fear of not finding another partner