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We adopted our daughter from a foreign country at age 13. At the time I had just given birth to a baby (we met DD while pregnant. she knew about pregnancy and all).
Fast forward now DD is 17, toddler is 3.5, and we have a 18mo too.
DD does great except by HIGH level of disrespect and talk back. There are clear signs of attachment and other than some therapy (by regular therapist, as we live in a rural area without specialists) we have not done anything about that. Otherwise she does well in school, with her sisters (although some expected jealousy), etc... Clearly emotionally younger...
Anyway, last night she got mad about not being allowed to watch a tv show she liked and SCRATCHED DH. Dug her nails into his arms. Hurt him. And after said we were lying, she could not have done it. We couldnt proof she did it.
Suggestions on how to deal with it?
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At 17 it is way too late to think about attachment. You need to be teaching life skills as much as possible, giving suggestions rather than orders, and teaching life skills as much as is possible in that context. If you don't let her watch her TV show then she is going to get a boyfriend, watch it at his house, and then have sex with him. If she isn't attached then she'll surely be leaving home as soon as she can. If you can keep some sort of good relationship with her then she might just come to you for help when she gets herself in trouble.
If you give freedom your relationship and her anger might improve. If not, then put the police on speed dial. They are your best resource for handling physical violence from teens.
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