birth family wants nothing to do with me

Or should I just wait

When did you first make contact with him? If you contacted him in September, this is all still very fresh, and your brother is probably still wrapping his mind around everything.I would probably just give him some time, but I would occasionally check in with him. Just wish him happy holidays, etc.At some point, if things don't proceed, I would probably contact the potential father and other brother because it sounds like you want to introduce yourself to them. No matter how well meaning he is your brother does not have the right to decide on whether or not the rest of the family has a relationship with you.But, it sounds like everything is still fairly new. I would just give your brother a little time.

I did make contact with him in September, he said he doewnt want to lose me and that he wants to have a very good relationship with me. He says that he has a lot of time to make up. Thank you for the really good advice, I appreciate it a lot.

I'm sorry for your loss.I'm going to have to agree with L4R here - September wasn't very long ago, and it's very possible that your biological brother needs some time to adjust to knowing that you exist, that you've reached out, etc. Keep in mind, you've known about yourself and your adoption for a long time... but this is all news to him, and it can take time to come to terms with that kind of news...I think it bodes well that your brother says he wants to have a good relationship with you. Hopefully, given a little time to come to terms with your presence, he'll live up to his words. Don't push (because that can easily push someone away), but it's probably okay to keep light, no-pressure communication open. A holiday card, a card or quick message on his birthday perhaps, little things like that, not often, will be enough to make sure he doesn't totally put thoughts of you on the back burner, without putting pressure on him to talk/write/act immediately. Hopefully he'll get his thoughts together and respond the way you're hoping, given a little time and space.But, if time keeps passing and he doesn't reach back out to you, I do feel you have the right to contact others in your biological family on your own. I wish you lots of luck.

Thank you so much for your advice. You are both right. Three months isn't that long. I guess I'm letting my anxiety get ahead of me.

I don't think anyone could blame you for being anxious. When I found my birth family (sadly, also after my birthmother's passing), I sent a letter to her sister, my aunt. I heard back from her about 10 days later... but I swear, those 10 days were an absolute ETERNITY. And of course, every time the phone rang during those 10 days... and when I heard the mailman dropping our day's mail into the box outside, I was purely nauseous. Not to mention when a new email popped up in my inbox and my phone gave me an indication. I was a mess! So I totally understand your anxiety. Hang in there...

You may also have had the unfortunate timing with any estate issues. Most people would not realize that as an adoptee you have NO automatic right of inheritance regarding your biological family and the only inheritance you would be entitled to was if you were named in the will. Your brother may have been very open to you and then someone else said - you want part of whatever estate. Might not be playing a role - it may be playing a role. On the off chance it is - go slow and don't push because the estate may not be through probate. I'm sorry you were too late - so was I. Kind regards, Dickons

Oh boy, the waiting!!!! it's a killer! I agree with the others, wait a little longer but if your brother doesn't contact you again you have every right to contact the others. Three months of not hearing anything though is quite a time, I think so anyway, even when everything is a shock someone can drop you a line, only takes a minute but that's how I feel. That's exactly what happened to me, one sibling kept saying they were going to tell another but never did then never wrote back to me ever again...so...I went ahead and contacted the siblings, long story but it did not work out however I am glad I contacted them. I actually waited over a year, don't wait that long!! Hope everything goes well.