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I seem to have a very diffrent situation from the other posts. My husband and I were matched in September, 2013. Birthmom and I hit it off immediately and formed a close bond over the 3 months while waiting for her due date. We texted/talked weekly, went to lunch, and talked openly about our hopes/dreams for her daughter. She has a very troubled life, abusive relationship, and drug use. We were fortunate enough to be there for the birth, and took our daughter home 2 days later.
The contact has completely stopped. The first 2-3 weeks after her birth, she did text asking for pictures, which was totally fine, since we have an open adoption.
I hear from her mother that she is back on drugs, is living on the streets, etc.
I am sad that we no longer are in contact. I want my daugther to know who her birthmom is and I really thought we would stay in contact.
I think about her every day and have tried reaching out to her but she does not answer my texts.
I guess I'm mostly worried about my daughter and that she will somehow miss out on not knowing who she is...
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kharma,
She is likely grieving and didn't expect that level of grief - you can't begin to understand until you are there. After my son passed, I was in a daze for at least the first six months - I only remember flashes like pictures of that time, and was not really ready to return to life for a couple of years. While my story is not adoption - there are incredibly similar parallels in the two types of grief - just like there will be other areas not the same - better or worse. Going back to bad habits may be a coping method for grief, and quite possibly due to lack of self-worth for what she chose - regardless if it was the best choice and one she made willingly - just hope that she can pull herself out of it.
I hope others reach out to you with actual experience. I would say keep hoping and don't allow your feelings that she dropped out of sight to interfere if she reaches out. We all do what we have to do to survive.
Edited to add: Feelings best described after birth when the hormones are exploding in your body is Euphoric. Once those hormones start settling down is when you really start feeling the reality - it takes weeks for that to happen - which seems to fit your timeline - they held her up and then went away and maybe too far away.
Kind regards,
Dickons
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My daughters birth mothers are actively addicted. They are still friendly with us -- but their interest in the kids is best described as "mild" at best. Our youngest is almost a year. Her mother hasn't asked for a visit since late October - and that was only because I tracked her down on the streets to see if she would be willing. She has seen me, her family has been to our home, but there is always a reason not to visit - namely, a party to attend.
Thank you for your insight! I truly cannot imagine the grief she must have felt. I will be there for her if she were to call me. I really miss her and hope she is okay. I cannot ever break the bond that we made in the months prior to "A"'s birth.
I guess I am just sad that she has chosen to go down the road she is....
I hope some day she will reconnect with me.
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