Count Down and looking beyond

March 5, 2014

We have 9 days till we go to court to finalize. :banana:

Between now and then we will pass the 3 year mark of the kids (now 6 and almost 5) being with us and will be 21 post TPR being granted. You do the math.

The closer this date gets the more I start to think of a potential Squishy or Little One under 4 coming into our lives. The kids would love it. :love: Some days I can do it ... then we have days like today.

Dh left for work early, which woke the kids up early. Then he didn't come home for lunch, which he usually does, so the youngest didn't see him before going to preschool. DH's day ran long so he didn't come home between work and school (only 2 nights a week and usually he at least stops and says hello while changing clothes).

See, the issue isn't whether DH is here or not. Well, it isn't for me but our youngest STBAS really gets thrown off by this. Add in that he wanted to fall asleep at 5:00 when I sent him to his room but I wouldn't let him. We just had a HORRIBLE bedtime at 7 pm. I feel like the worst mom ever. All I asked was for him to obey. All he wanted to do was keep me in his room (meaning I couldn't spend time with the other STBAS who would then feel ignored) talking and telling me how scared he was (thereby making himself even more scared). Okay, so I wasn't the most understanding, accomidating mom ever. I just wanted him to obey and stay in bed. I feel like I don't get to spend enough time with just me and older STBAS and really like the quiet time he and I have to read and talk for a few minutes after younger STBAS goes to bed.

We all ate supper together, the kids played with some glow sticks I found in the basement, we read books and more books ... it wasn't like I hadn't been giving them attention. Really?? DH reminds me that all they want is a bit of attention. Great ... but what am I going to do when there are more than two of them? I already give them lots of attention. Bedtime shouldn't take 1 hour to get them to sleep. Granted some nights it takes 15 minutes, but other times ...

Add to that younger STBAS is testing boundaries, still. He is going to be 5 soon and still wants us to dress him, put his shoes on for him, he wants to hide from us when it is time to go, he runs away, has an attitude like a teen ... I'm tempted to talk to older STBAS's developmental pediatrician to see if something is wrong. Then I wonder if I'm reading into it too much as a foster parent.

All of this makes me wonder if we really can add another kid or two to the mix. Am I just inviting disaster? By now shouldn't younger STBAS be more ... compliant, secure, obedient, or ... I don't know. We are through, I hope and pray, a phase where he decided it was better to poop in his pants than go to the bathroom. This was followed by him trying to hide it, i.e. smearing it on the hardwood floor in his room - sometimes using a stuffed animal or house shoe to do it. I cleaned it up each time with lysol but couldn't seem to make the smell go away, even after opening the windows one cold day to air out the room. Turns out a piece was on top of the air vent ... and he knew about it - he thought it was funny. Another 4/5 y.o. boy thing?

When they were younger I would have guessed that older STBAS would be the one we would have to get settled before more kids came into our home. Now, younger STBAS is the one that is stopping me from saying YES!!

Thoughts? Do I give it a bit more time and hope 5 is a better year for STBAS than 3 and 4? age 2 was great. I want to go back there.

blueflower

March 6, 2014

After sleep and a morning quiet time I have come to realize something ... last night was more my fault than the kid's. Sometimes I get so stuck in "this is the way it is to be done" that I forget to look around an re-evaluate what really is important.

1. It would have gone so much better if I had put kid on my bed to fall asleep. He isn't as scared there.

2. Instead of glow sticks and running around we should have all watched a movie then read a book then gone to bed.

3. Older STBAS should have gone to bed first. It still counts as time together even if it isn't just the two of us. He was more annoyed that I kept getting up than the fact that his brother would have been on the other side of me.

4. Have everyone sit on the bed and listen to the classical music, trying to figure out what story they could be telling. It is a new thing I've started with younger STBAS and gets him to keep his head on the pillow and relax.

5. Speaking of relaxing ... RELAX! I'm such a black and white person, though I forget it at times. This is why DH makes such a good counter weight to me. He is there to remind me to relax. If a drink of chocolate milk means he will stay in bed and go to sleep then, Silly, do it! So what if it means you have to change the sheets in the morning.

Part of me is just frustrated as we have come so far with this whole sleep thing with this particular STBAS. We actually were in a better place, then took a few steps backwards about a year ago. We haven't regained ground though I feel like we should. Again, it is MY issue. I need to accept the fact that this is our normal for this kid.

My solution for the next time this happens? Refer to the list I am going to write up today and post in my bedroom. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the moment and forget to think. It is so much easier to just look at the list.

And for now, I am going to focus on our family and my character flaws. We have not added any new foster kids for 3 years. Another 6 months or so won't make a huge difference in waiting. (are those famous last words?)