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Well, I'm not reallyt sure what to think right now. partly I just need to vent but I am also looking for a little advice, So here it is. The last six months have been absolutly great for me, I moved to a new state. I'm settling into my career very well and love my coworkers. I met and in a relationship with the most amazing woman. I mean, I'm twenty years old and everything seems to be falling into place. what more could I ask for right?
Everything has been going great but there's been this feeling that I couldn't shake, like something was wrong. Well, in light of recent events with my adoptive family, the death of my grandmother, I think i figuered it out. The night that she died my dad and his sister were tallking and sharing stories and memories. It occured to me that I have those memories and stories with my adoptive mom but not my birthmother.
I have been in contact with my birthmother for a couple years now. everything has gone pretty well. we had a few bumps and misunderstandings but overall a great reunion. We are pretty close and call and text each other almost every day. We live across the country from each other but we've managed to visit each other a couple times, however it's only been for three days each time, hardly enough time to actually have quality time together.
To sum it up I guess I'm just worried that with my life falling into place and living so far away from her, I won't be able to get have memories with her. When she passes away what will I be able to say about our relationship? that we texted a lot? I just don't want to settle down and let life get away from me. I don't want to let the years pass and not have time to get to know her. So my friends, my question to you is how do those of you in reunion keep your relationships with your bparents strong? How do you find time to spend with them? Do you spend a lot of time with them? Is it possible to really have a strong and great relationship living so far away from each other or should I never have thought I could in the first place? Just kind of confused and a little sad about the situation. typing it out definitely helped a little. anyway any input is greatly appreciated. thanks
Alex
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I hope you dont mind getting a bmomҒs perspective. I really appreciate what youve shared, because I think most young male adoptees Җ or for that matter, young males in general, keep their emotions tucked away inside and take a passive approach, whereas you seem to be in touch with your feelings and are open to seeking ways to build on your relationship with your bmom. Kudos to you! Your situation sounds similar to my relationship w/my bson. I just try to appreciate every visit, and even though the time spent is short, I know that the bonding continues and our own memories are being made. It takes patience, and for me, every visit is so bittersweet. It feels like no amount of time spent together will ever make up for all the lost years. Anyway, keep in mind that circumstances change, and one day down the road you and your bmom may be geographically closer, and then that will allow for more time to spend together. Maybe for the next visit, you two can try to carve out a week together? Until then, appreciate the close relationship you have and the love and connection you share.
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Thanks for the responses everyone. Definitly helped.
Bijou67, I really appreciate your perspective. I feel better knowing you and your bson are in a similar situation. I completely understand the bittersweet feeling. It's always a little hard when I see my bmom because there's always a little feeling deep down that I missed out on so much But I love my bmom and and I wouldn't trade the time spent with her and all the feelings that come with it for anything. I'm sure your son feels the same way about you.
NoahsLanding01209, thanks for the suggestion. I have thought about skype but for now it's not really an option. Our schedules are just not able to fit it in. I work 12 and 24 hour shifts (and the occasional 48). It's easier to just text when I'm at work and talk for a bit on the phone when I'm at home getting things around the house done. Also she just got a new job and is busy learning everything she needs to do. Maybe when things settle down We'll be able to do that though. Thank you for the great suggestion. I hope you find your dads bio sister and that evrything goes great. I would love to hear about how everything turns out!
domingoweis, thank you. It definitely takes work as you can tell but completely worth it.
This is really a great post i ever read about relationship and i think every relationship is important in our life, if we try to make it strong its always good for everyone. Thank you very much for sharing such type of informational post.
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