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Hello,
A quick overview of my story:
I'm a 29 year old adoptee who always knew about my adoption, grew up in a loving home with my adoptive parents and a younger brother who was a pleasant surprise pregnancy for my parents. We have always been a close family and when I decided to pursue making contact with my birth family, they were all supportive. Well, long story short, my birth mother has passed away, my birth father is nice but hasn't made much effort to continue a relationship, and I have an older full brother who has always wanted to meet me and has made a big effort in establishing and maintaining a relationship with me.
I have met my older biological brother once in a neutral setting and my adoptive brother had a very difficult time accepting that. He does not want to talk about it or hear anything about my bio brother. He said he understands and wants to support me but he just feels wierd and, I'm guessing, threatened. Well, my bio brother is coming to visit and meet my adoptive family and everyone is very excited and looking forward to it. I finally broke the news to my adoptive brother and he did not take it well. He basically walked away from me and left and is very angry about it. It's killing me to know that I'm hurting him so bad. I can't not have a relationship with the only person from my biological family who seems to even have interest.
I'm looking for any suggestions on how to reassure my brother that I still love him and having my bio brother in my life doesn't change my relationship with him. Should I just give him time? I wrote him a nice letter the first time I met my bio brother telling him how important he is to me. Would it be helpful to write him another letter? I'm not angry with him and i try to understand where he might be coming from but it's very difficult to communicate with him. Any advice is appreciated! Thanks!
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Can you figure out if he feels it is a betrayal of your family - or - that he is jealous and worried your relationship with him will suffer? I think you need to either figure that out - or address both possibilities.
I would rather address it in person rather than through a letter - because tone, body language, eye contact is important in these types of situations...
Kind regards,
Dickons
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I am wondering too if it is due to some insecurities on his part. I wonder if he is deep down afraid that if you get on well with the bio brother that you won't want or need him as a brother anymore? Hopefully he will come around and be willing to meet your bio brother. Who knows they may actually like each other and become friends if he is willing to give it a chance
Kortnee85
I'm pretty sure most of the issue is insecurity on his part... But how can I help him feel better? How can I reassure him that nothing is going to change between us?
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