What to do after youve placed a child for adoption?

Well not a single thing in that article was anything that applied to me because I live in a rural area with no support groups for adoption at all and grief counselors don't exist. You're lucky if you can see a counselor with any kind of knowledge about adoption at all. The other thing about adoption grief is that isn't linear. I think most people reach a stage of acceptance, but complete healing? I don't know that that is possible for many of us. I think it is an unrealistic expectation to think that we just heal and move on. For me personally, seeing a counselor did help, but no one that specialized in grief.

Bellinblue197, The area you are in defiantly has an impact. This question is for our community as a whole as well as bellinblue1978 do you have any other advice or suggestions for those that might be in a similar situation where there isn't a lot of support groups or specific grief counselors?

I've been thinking about this and part of the problem with just a grief support group is that a lot of people don't see that placing a child is something to grieve. Many people think that it is a joyous thing to help someone be a parent. You probably wouldn't believe the amount of times I've heard that. Frankly, for me, losing my child hasn't been wonderful and I really wasn't looking to make someone else parents nor did I really care too much about their happiness. I cared about my child being safe. For me it took finding a counselor who finally reaffirmed that I am a mother no matter what society tells me, no matter what adoption agencies say, and no matter what memes on the internet call me. I'm a mother pure and simple, no qualifiers. I'm not a uterus, I'm worth way more than that. I really think that is a HUGE part of the problem is that when we blather on about "positive" adoption language we don't consider that it reduces people to just being reproductive organs in many cases. So, if someone is in an urban area, I'd look for an adoption support group or a counselor who specializes in adoption issues. You can also find those online now, which would be perfect for a person in a rural area. The other thing is, if you are even a little open about being a mother, usually in a small community you'll find one or two other women who are in the same position and who will gladly talk to you.

Thank you belleinblue1978 for sharing your experience. You bring up a great point that grief is not linear and I would add that it is not the same for everyone. Each person has their own pace and healing process if you will. I think that's why this is a tough question to answer, but you bring up some excellent points that would be helpful for others, especially those in rural areas. Thank you!