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I posted this in the Search and Reunion forum so not sure if its okay to post here too but in a nutshell after giving up my search for 6 years, I obtained a copy of my original birth certificate and in Sept. 2012, on not so good advice as I see it NOW, I cold-called my Bmom (didn't go very well). A little over a year-and-a-half go by and I sent her a letter after speaking with a couple of amazing people about it.
Two weeks later, on Saturday before Easter and a day before my 50th birthday, I received a letter from a friend of my Bmom who was kind enough to write to me on her behalf. The day after my birthday, I received a letter from her. She asked (pleaded, actually) for time to think. Less than two weeks go by and I get a card from her in the mail and she said that her friend told her it might be a good idea to get to know each other and maybe she could drive up to meet me. I sent a letter back telling her to take all the time she needed, but I would be glad to come to her.
Just wanted folks who know how it feels that it's already a success to me if this is as far as it goes.
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Thank you so much! It's already an emotional push and pull on my end. But I'm looking so forward to what comes next.
wrking21
Congrats! I'm thrilled you've now got contact. I hope it goes well. This is a bit of a process read up on reunion. It can be a bit of a push and pull. Good luck and congrats!
I'm so sorry.
Some of our mothers are just too damaged to deal with reuniting with us.
You may want to write one last letter to her stating that you will respect her wishes (if that's what you intend to do), but you would like medical history information and, if you want to know, the name of your father.
My mother wants nothing to do with me. It's been like pulling teeth to get medical history and photos from her.
But, she did give me my father's name, and I am happy with my relationship with him.
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I am an adoptee just starting my search. I have always been worried about just what you went through.
I don't want to mess up anyones life, I just want to have some information. After that, I don't know. It is so hard, my heart goes out to you, I know how rejection feels, and it hurts. (Hugs)
From what I've read it can be a push and pull. I wouldn't be too surprised if not in the too far distant future if you dont end up getting a letter or a call or something. It's hard. I'm sure the guilt, trauma and grief are just working on her right now. Give it time and then perhaps as another poster suggested send a quick note just saying. You understand, not looking to push anything and will be here waiting when she's ready.
Sorry it's such a quick pull back, I'm sure only 1 of many. It is indeed a roller coaster! Keeping you in my thoughts!