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We're in VA and doing a ICPC with MA to foster and adopt my 1 yo nephew. I am not close to Bmom and had almost no contact to her prior to this. We have previously adopted in a similar situation from husbands side with another state. Bmom has brought up OA. So far it seems DCF is agreeable to it. We would rather not. I know Bmom and how unreliable she is and the drama that she is. BF doesn't appear to be any better and has other issues as well. VA doesn't do OA from foster care so our local social worker doesn't have as much info to help. I've heard some OAs aren't binding and some are. I'm concerned about getting into an OA and the worst happening. I would rather have a reg adoption and have contact based on our terms. There is a chance we're looking at an OA. What are some terms that would make it the best possible situation for the child?
Could we require counseling? Or a no-show for yearly visit null and voids that agreement?
BPs are not reliable and I'm trying to prevent a similar situation that we dealt with during our first adoption where our AS (8yo at the time) acted out and threw extreme tantrums since BF didn't call when he was suppose to. Now that contact has been cut things are great and everyone is flourishing.
I know terminating could prolong the process. Other than that would declining an OA hurt our chances of adopting? I have no doubt rights could be terminated without an issue, just the time and possible appeal.
TIA
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It's been switched to "Adoption" since Dec. We finally are getting a homestudy done now and have classes to take in July. So we're hoping for placement in Aug and it seems like they may be ready to finalize the adoption 6 months after placement.Just heard from Bmom who is my half-sis. They are going to be asking for 3-5 visits a year (bday and Xmas), 2-3 calls/week when he is old enough, ability to send/receive letters and pictures, and for us to keep them up-to-date on anything that happens.I can say I am not comfortable with those at all. At this point I just don't want an OA.
It's been switched to "Adoption" since Dec. We finally are getting a homestudy done now and have classes to take in July. So we're hoping for placement in Aug and it seems like they may be ready to finalize the adoption 6 months after placement.
Just heard from Bmom who is my half-sis. They are going to be asking for 3-5 visits a year (bday and Xmas), 2-3 calls/week when he is old enough, ability to send/receive letters and pictures, and for us to keep them up-to-date on anything that happens.
I can say I am not comfortable with those at all. At this point I just don't want an OA.
Massachusetts has a legally binding OA so be very careful if you do go ahead and have one. Make sure that you have very actions to be taken if violations occur... and I would never agree to weekly phone calls/5 visits a year etc...
I think that much guaranteed access would be way too hard as it would make it feel like they were actually mom and dad and we were just watching the kid you know?
MA is legally binding, like PP stated
I got one of these legally binding, "OA through foster care adoption of my niece" deals from MA
YMMV but here's why I would recommend it
In MA, the OA contains exactly what the BP can - and cannot do. It specifically spells out what will happen if they come to a visit with an unapproved person, say inappropriate things, call the house, show up impaired, etc, etc
because my OA is so specific, I only need to refer to in in order to get J's BM to behave
Without the OA, she would still be in our life at some level (the problem with kinship adoptions.. you can't exactly hide from them)
The fuzzier boundaries make for a tougher enforcement
Now your OA may simply offer annual pictures and give them the right to send birthday cards. You don't have to commit to MA visits if you chose not to
btw - if you want a copy of my OA, feel free to pm me with your email address
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It really wouldn't be hard to have no contact with her. That isn't a concern. We are out of state. But also my husband is military. We won't always be in one place. And this isn't family I normally ever have contact with. She doesn't live in a place I visit or near any other family I do have contact with. I know that with a regular adoption I could completely cut off contact if necessary.And since we are military and move around the SW already know any visits would be BP coming to us. That is something we stated up front when OA was first mentioned.Our previous adoption was kinship also. Again we had no problems cutting contact. BF lives on the other side of the country. Bmom doesn't talk to our sons but she is on our FB and sees what is going on in their lives. Both of these situations are similar in the fact that the BPs aren't family members we ever had regular contact with.I just know I don't want to cave to anything I'm not comfortable with. If your Bmom violated the OA then what steps would you have to take? Who do you contact in the regard?
It really wouldn't be hard to have no contact with her. That isn't a concern. We are out of state. But also my husband is military. We won't always be in one place. And this isn't family I normally ever have contact with. She doesn't live in a place I visit or near any other family I do have contact with. I know that with a regular adoption I could completely cut off contact if necessary.
And since we are military and move around the SW already know any visits would be BP coming to us. That is something we stated up front when OA was first mentioned.
Our previous adoption was kinship also. Again we had no problems cutting contact. BF lives on the other side of the country. Bmom doesn't talk to our sons but she is on our FB and sees what is going on in their lives. Both of these situations are similar in the fact that the BPs aren't family members we ever had regular contact with.
I just know I don't want to cave to anything I'm not comfortable with. If your Bmom violated the OA then what steps would you have to take? Who do you contact in the regard?
If you agree to any visits make sure you state that all visits are at bios cost, (they do the traveling, etc.) are held in a public place and will be supervised visits by you. As far as Christmas and birthdays if you do two visits a year they can be the month of, not necessarily the day of. There are lots of old posts on this site that will help you. Agree to the minimum of what you are comfortable with, as time goes on you can add more if appropriate but not legally bound to if you need to cut back to the original OA. Good luck kin ship is tough!
I agree with others, agree to the barest of minimum since OA is enforceable for you.
We are in an OA by choice. We currently visit only with extended bio family at this time. I do hope that we can add mom to visits at some point. We do not have a formal agreement. But I want our daughter to know who her family is. I know when she gets older she will want that connection. And as long as it's safe and the family is appropriate, I love that I can do that for her. I think I am also eased by the fact that since OA is not enforceable, I know I can stop contact at anytime, I feel it is not in the best interest of my daughter.
I realize with a kinship situation, it's a little different because you can provide a lot of information and "connection" that a non-related adoptive family could not. Good luck!
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Well I talked to the supervisor of the case today. She was shocked by my sisters expectations. She said this is not co-parenting but an adoption. She advised no more than 1 visit and 1 letter/picture per year. My nephew T has been in foster care most of his life at only a year old. Everyone on the case doesn't feel BPs will follow through on anything. Not to mention how would they travel once a year to us in the situation they are currently in.
I'm feeling a lot more optimistic now. I now have FMs number so we can start talking and she can help me get to know and understand T more.
If all goes as planned and the Navy doesn't throw any surprises our way then we are looking at a placement in Aug!!
Your offer is more than fair. In my case, the BPs were also initially in denial. They were expecting unlimited access. i think that's common with kinship adoptions
Stick to your guns and they'll wake up
As for what i do if BM is not in compliance (misses a visit, comes late, brings someone she's not supposed to). MA law states that i can stop the OA without going to court if i believe she's out of compliance
It is up to the bp to take me to court to fight it. If she wins, i pays all court costs (both sides). If she loses, she pays
Because, often BPs do not have the extra income to waste on an iffy case, they typically give up with out a fight
In my case, 3 strikes and all access ceases. It was recommended that i document these cases just in case i pull access and get sued.
Honestly, over the 4 years since finalization, T probably has got 3 strikes (called my house, canceled a visit at the last minute, and was a half hour late once). However, since the visits are still a positive thing for DD, I'm not cutting access
Good luck with whatever you decide
OA in Mass are enforceable - but very hard to enforce.
The standard DCF contract has many clauses that allow for you to close. If bmom isn't doing exactly what the contract requires the contract is void.
The contract will have a clause that says essentially: if the adoptive parent believes that visits are no longer in the child's best interest, they can stop the visits.
If a bparent wants to enforce an OA contract - they have to do it on their own. They are not given a court appointed attorney. I've been practicing as an attorney in this field for ten years - I've never seen it happen. Not to say it can't - but it is extremely rare.
If the bmom does manage to get an enforcement claim into court the law is very clear. The court can enforce the specific terms of the agreement, reduce the number of visits, or eliminate the visits alltogether. The Court CANNOT increase the number of visits or add to any obligation of the adoptive parents.
Good luck.
OA in Mass are enforceable - but very hard to enforce.
The standard DCF contract has many clauses that allow for you to close. If bmom isn't doing exactly what the contract requires the contract is void.
The contract will have a clause that says essentially: if the adoptive parent believes that visits are no longer in the child's best interest, they can stop the visits.
If a bparent wants to enforce an OA contract - they have to do it on their own. They are not given a court appointed attorney. I've been practicing as an attorney in this field for ten years - I've never seen it happen. No to say it can't - but it is extremely rare.
If the bmom does manage to get an enforcement claim into court the law is very clear. The court can enforce the specific terms of the agreement, reduce the number of visits, or eliminate the visits alltogether. The Court CANNOT increase the number of visits or add to any obligation of the adoptive parents.
Good luck.
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