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My son is 7 months old and I love him more than I love life itself. I'm a single mom and I have no help. When I got pregnant I knew that I never wanted to be a mom but I was too much of a coward to do anything else. Nobody ever told me how hard it was really going to be and I thought I could do it all on my own. (I'm 19 btw.) Now here I am in an even scarier position. I feel as though my mind is made up that I no longer want to be a mom. I need advice on what to do from here. I have a close sister willing to take him but it will be awhile (I can barely take another day. It's been like postpartum depression all over again lately.) Also I'm not 100% sure if she'd want to keep him forever. There aren't any other family members that I'd want to adopt him. Where do I go from here? If I keep him I don't think I could ever be happy and sane again. This isn't the life I want. I'll be fine and I don't care about what the rest of my family will think off me. The only thing I'm worried about is him hating me one day.
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ljones22
Unfortunately I don't have a chance to ever get a break.
This isn't a spur of the moment decision. I'm going to give it a lot of thought. I already have. I just don't think I'll ever get over the feeling of not wanting to be a mom. Or not wanting to raise my son. The best case scenario would be my sister adopting him. She can give him the mom he deserves. Not because she has to but because she wants to.
When you say "because she wants to" do you mean that she has offered to adopt your child? You say earlier that you get no breaks, can your sister help you out in that regards, eg babysit him occasionally?
Can you put him in childcare a couple of days a week? Many people do that - I'm pretty sure there are adoptive parents on here that have had their child in childcare from an early age when they go back to work.
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Can you write and tell me what state you live in. My daughter is looking to adopt.
ljones22
My son is 7 months old and I love him more than I love life itself. I'm a single mom and I have no help. When I got pregnant I knew that I never wanted to be a mom but I was too much of a coward to do anything else. Nobody ever told me how hard it was really going to be and I thought I could do it all on my own. (I'm 19 btw.) Now here I am in an even scarier position. I feel as though my mind is made up that I no longer want to be a mom. I need advice on what to do from here. I have a close sister willing to take him but it will be awhile (I can barely take another day. It's been like postpartum depression all over again lately.) Also I'm not 100% sure if she'd want to keep him forever. There aren't any other family members that I'd want to adopt him. Where do I go from here? If I keep him I don't think I could ever be happy and sane again. This isn't the life I want. I'll be fine and I don't care about what the rest of my family will think off me. The only thing I'm worried about is him hating me one day.
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ljones22 - I can't imagine how hard it has been for you at such a young age. You are brave for reaching out and asking for advice. It sounds like you have made your mind up and that's ok - you know what is best, first, for YOU, and for your son. You asked where to go from here. In order to have your sister adopt your son, you will need to contact either an adoption agency or DHS so she can become the kinship adoptive parent. The adoption process takes time - it won't happen it a matter of days, but months, before it becomes official and you terminate your parental rights. Have you spoken to her about perhaps taking your son for a couple of days each week to give you a break? You want to make sure she is 100% on board with this. Make that first call to the adoption agency/DHHS. They will walk you through it and provide the professional support.
Here's an adoption agency in Tennessee (i just did a quick google search): [url=http://www.adoptionservices.org/give_up_baby/give_up_baby_for_adoption_tennessee.htm]Give Up My Baby For Adoption? To A Safe And Loving Home[/url]
And here is the DHS website: [url]http://www.tn.gov[/url]
~blessings_overflow
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ljones22
Doesn't anyone get it? I don't want to be a mom anymore. Not now or ever.
Yes, I do get it. I'm not a "baby" person and I think if I were in your positon, I would probably be feeling like there is no light at the end of the tunnel so I am sympathetic to your feelings of being overwhelmed. However, I do think it is in both you and your child's best interest to go and talk to an unbiased counselor first who can help identify your situation correctly and see if there is anything that can done to help you. You seem to be very overwhelmed with no real support of any kind or friends in a similar position that you can relate to. Do you know any other young moms? It is quite probable that some of them do and have felt the same as you do right now and sharing your feelings with others may help you. What's that saying, a problem shared is a problem halved.
Relinquishing a child is a big step and may not necessarily be the out and out win/win/win situation you are envisaging. No-one is saying you should be forced to parent your child if you truly don't want to, just saying that you need to make sure that there aren't underlying issues etc that might improve your current situation and make you feel less overwhelmed.
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Thank you so much for the responses everyone. I was pretty stressed out when I posted that earlier this week. I've calmed down since then and don't feel frantic anymore. But my decision hasn't changed. I know my situation will be getting better soon but I still feel like placing him with a family is what will be best. I don't feel the need to parent him any longer. All I need to know is that he's happy, healthy and loved. And I hope that one day we'll be able to have a relationship. Even though I'm very sad about it all I know I'll be okay. Right now I'm only focusing on the part of me that's happy about it. Also, because of how he was conceived sometimes I think it's only fair to him to find him real parents who can give him the best. Anyway I'm feeling really ood about this. And I don't think I'll be one of those birth mothers who never heal.
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Hello, my name is Christina and I would love to get to know you and your son.I would love to help you out by either a open or closed adoption of your choice. Your son would be well loved and cared for. I'm a single mother of 3 children still at home ages 16, 10,10.and we attend church regularly and have a lot of family support. I own my own homes and vehicles outright. And if you want then I will send pictures/updates regularly. I have a 6 bedroom home smoke/drug free home and pet free home as well. I live in Tennessee but am willing to travel to you. Thanks God Bless you and your son.
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ljones22
Thank you so much for the responses everyone. I was pretty stressed out when I posted that earlier this week. I've calmed down since then and don't feel frantic anymore. But my decision hasn't changed. I know my situation will be getting better soon but I still feel like placing him with a family is what will be best. I don't feel the need to parent him any longer. All I need to know is that he's happy, healthy and loved. And I hope that one day we'll be able to have a relationship. Even though I'm very sad about it all I know I'll be okay. Right now I'm only focusing on the part of me that's happy about it. Also, because of how he was conceived sometimes I think it's only fair to him to find him real parents who can give him the best. Anyway I'm feeling really ood about this. And I don't think I'll be one of those birth mothers who never heal.
You mentioned that you didn't know if your sister would want to keep him permanently -- have you discussed this with her?
That's where I'd start. Share how you're feeling and that you're seriously considering adoption, and see how she reacts.
Once you know where she stands, you'll be in a better place to make a decision.
.
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OP,
I'm really sorry that you find yourself in this position. I think a reputable agency and some counselling may be the way to go.
To those of you soliciting her, did you not read the TOS? This woman is here for support and you are acting like vultures, shame on all of you.
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According to the Terms of Service, no one is allowed to solicit for adoption through Adoption.com. This is not a matching site, nor is it in the best interest of those involved to try to solicit through these forums.
I personally recommend contacting a reputable agency or an attorney for these services. (adoption.com does not make recommendations on adoption)
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belleinblue1978
OP,
I'm really sorry that you find yourself in this position. I think a reputable agency and some counselling may be the way to go.
To those of you soliciting her, did you not read the TOS? This woman is here for support and you are acting like vultures, shame on all of you.
Agree 100%.
OP: Good luck and peace to you with whatever decision you make.
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If your sister wants to adopt, then you guys just need to find a lawyer who can make it legal, at least that is how it works in my state. It is a bit more complicated than that, but the lawyer will walk you through it.
So sorry you find yourself in this position, but it is wonderful that you are thinking of your son.
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I did not see your post, I believe it may have been deleted. I saw another post that was also deleted which I was commenting on. I have found this site to be very helpful in learning about adoption. I hope you stick around.
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I just read your posts & I wanted to extend my prayers to you. Being a mother is one of the most difficult, yet most rewarding "jobs". I can't even imagine how you must be feeling, but you are not alone. There are many women who feel the same way you do.
There are so many families who are hoping to adopt a child into their homes though! If you're considering putting your son up for adoption, I would try to find an agency & pray about the kind of family you'd want to care for & love your son.
Please know you're in my prayers!
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