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We have had our FD for a little over 7 months. She is now 15 months old. Her aunt and uncle adopted two of her brother a couple of years ago (they have 8 kids all together). They knew since day one that she was in foster care. BM was adamant throughout this whole thing that she did not want the baby to go to the aunt and uncle. BM has been respectful and good with us throughout. We told her we would be ok with an open adoption if she did not get her back. She was consistent in that she wanted us to adopt her. We have been open with the aunt and uncle, giving them all of our contact info so they could visit. We have only heard from them regarding her birthday party 3 months ago. We filed for de facto parent to get more rights as her caregiver. Now BM is in jail. We think she has gotten uptight because we filed de facto because she called her brother (baby's uncle) and is telling them to adopt the baby. Soooooo...after almost 8 months, they are now saying they want to adopt her. Aunt has only seen our FD 3 times and the uncle only twice. The county is recommending baby stay with us and be adopted by us. We are beside ourselves thinking baby may leave. We would like to hold onto the idea that the judge will see through the games, and see the bonds the baby has made (through the reports of the sw) with our family. But we just don't know what could happen. Has anyone else had something similar? We are in CA.
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Thanks Lotus,
I am just sick to my stomach right now. The CSW is in favor of her staying here. Our foster family agency is writing a letter, and will also be present at the TDM. We will also have support of family, friends, and doctors. Right now we just wait to hear from the worker to see when the TDM will be.
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Unfortunately, the state and/or the judge may side with the biofamily on this one. Biological siblings are a very powerful force and keeping them together often trumps almost anything.
If you don't already have one, get a lawyer. Not a court appointed lawyer or one provided by social services. Pay for your own and do it ASAP.
Lotus,We filed for De Facto. We go to the hearing this Wednesday for it. My husband has to work so I will be going alone. A little nervous about it, but I am putting on my big girl panties. We found out that the uncle said if mom agrees to let us adopt, he will back out. Once again, how dedicated is that to the baby? Either you WANT her, or you don't.
Lotus,
We filed for De Facto. We go to the hearing this Wednesday for it. My husband has to work so I will be going alone. A little nervous about it, but I am putting on my big girl panties. We found out that the uncle said if mom agrees to let us adopt, he will back out. Once again, how dedicated is that to the baby? Either you WANT her, or you don't.
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Hi. We went through almost the same thing. We got our FD at 2 days and never had contact with birth mom or any family other than a great aunt who was happy with FD being with us. When FD was 3 mo old we found out there was an aunt and uncle in another state that wanted her. Months went by without hearing anything and judge said the plan was for us to adopt. Then a week after her 1st birthday the adoption SW said they were going to suggest the aunt and uncle adopt FD instead. We filed de facto and got a lawyer. After two hearings the judge granted us de facto but we still had to go through another hearing to determine where FD would live. There was never any contact from the birth mom and nothing from the aunt and uncle until the day before court. The judge ended up siding with us saying adoption SW never considered us after finding out about the aunt and uncle and only wanted to place FD with blood family and not leaving her with the only people she had ever known. We have not heard from the aunt and uncle since that day and we have even sent pictures of her and updates. We still have contact with the great aunt who wanted FD to stay with us and have even visited with her. Two months ago today the adoption became final...the day before our daughter's 2nd birthday. It's a stressful and scary thing you are going through right now but don't give up hope. I pray the judge leaves your FD with the family she knows and loves.
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The .26 is scheduled for Sept. 3. When I did my paperwork for de facto and pap, I filled it all out on Advokids.org and followed all the instructions. In our county, I didn't need to make all the copies, but it was better to be safe than sorry. Today the judge commented on how well the paperwork had been filled out and stated some big words that said something to the affect of not accepting the paperwork without acknowledging the attorney who filled it out. He asked who filled it out and I said I did. He asked where I got the info and I gave him the website. He complimented me saying I did a very good job. I have to give the credit to advokids because they are so informative.
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Once you have PAP it's very hard for the county to change their course. They grant this when you are the named adoptive resource. Under WIC the family does not have preference as they did not apply pre dispo. If it came down to it you'd get an attorney (already court approved per De Facto filing) and he'd fight attachment, bonding, etc. Sounds like you are almost to the finish line!
We had the .26 Sept 3rd and of course BM contested. So the settlement hearing is set for Oct 14th and the contested hearing is set for Oct 22nd. BM finally came out with the real dad's name. It's been 10 months and she is just now coming out with it, saying the county "has to offer him services" because he has never had a cps case. Although this is his 5th child, and two of his kids are being legally cared for by other family members...not to mention he was arrested again today for possession. I am just ready for this to be done.