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Never mind that this guy has no other kids, has been strung out since day one, and does not have a chance in heck of getting this kid. I, who have raised two daughters and have dealt with teething diaper rashes before, need to go out and get the most expensive diaper on the market for this guy. So I guess that means I will be buying a small package of diapers to stick in his diaper bag to go on visits and continue to use Luvs at home, and I will bet this problem magically disappears.
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Do you have to accommodate him at all? I'd ask your SW what she thinks but I think this is not something he has any control of. I'm guessing he found out that you "get paid" to take care of his child and he figures that means he gets to order you around. I would do nothing. It's a test and the orders won't stop if you accommodate him on this. If he brings it up again, tell him that he can bring that brand diapers in his diaper bag when he comes for visits and he can use that brand when he RUs.But, that's just my opinion.On the topic of diapers, I wish the SW's had an "exchange" where bio parents could trade out the sizes they can't use anymore for the size that the child is actually wearing. Our kids' bio mom was asked to buy size 1 diapers when Baby Girl was the foster child. She has tried to shove all the kids into those size 1 diapers long after they've been appropriate. Or even an opportunity to buy 5 diapers at a time from the department for $5 or something like that. The extra money could go toward a "visit room improvement" fund :)
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Do you have to accommodate him at all? I'd ask your SW what she thinks but I think this is not something he has any control of. I'm guessing he found out that you "get paid" to take care of his child and he figures that means he gets to order you around. I would do nothing. It's a test and the orders won't stop if you accommodate him on this. If he brings it up again, tell him that he can bring that brand diapers in his diaper bag when he comes for visits and he can use that brand when he RUs.
But, that's just my opinion.
On the topic of diapers, I wish the SW's had an "exchange" where bio parents could trade out the sizes they can't use anymore for the size that the child is actually wearing. Our kids' bio mom was asked to buy size 1 diapers when Baby Girl was the foster child. She has tried to shove all the kids into those size 1 diapers long after they've been appropriate. Or even an opportunity to buy 5 diapers at a time from the department for $5 or something like that. The extra money could go toward a "visit room improvement" fund :)
I'd put the diaper brand he wants in the bag as you said. Even if you hate this guy's guts and think he's the worst, he has the ability to really make your life difficult, so I would try to build some kind of relationship. Now, of the three long term sib groups I've had, that's only worked once, but boy, was it awesome the time it worked. Having a supportive relationship with the bios is truly wonderful, especially if they RU. You don't have to be his friend and you don't have to like him, but getting along will be better in the long run. Just speaking from my experience.
Although, if he seems like a total nutjob, I can see the wisdom in missypea's idea... I've never had violent or off-the-wall parents, nor the overly bossy type. But if there's no chance of a relationship and you're absolutely sure, that may definitely be the best course of action.
Ridiculous!
As they say, every area's different, and in mine we were asked to tell the bio-parents what kind of diapers, bottles, formula (this is a given), etc to have ready for the visits. I'm surprised there are places where it's the other way around. Then again, nothing should really surprise any of us here lol
Yeah, no.
I would not even appease him with his requested diapers for visits. In my experiences with birth parents, he will only make more demands once you meet this current demand. Nip this crap in the bud right away.
Let him know that he is free to provide you with the diapers he wants you to use, but until then, you will choose what diapers you purchase. Say it with a smile.
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Well, I am thankful to feel so backed up here! It is nice to know I am not crazy for feeling like this is nuts. I do not want to adopt, so quite frankly, I do not care if they decide become jerks, except for our FS sake. He does not need to be bounced again, and I really want mom to RU. She is great except this drug habit. Ugh. This stuff is so stupid. And seriously, he has like three red dots on his bum, and that is the diaper rash we are "concerned about".
Sometimes there are little things we can do that make a bio parent feel valued when everything else in their life is chaotic and out of control (yes I know they have likely brought that upon themselves)
I go with your idea to put a small pack in the diaper bag and just be done with it.
Nothing wrong with Luvs, or pampers or huggies. We have a sensitive baby now and use Pampers only. She's worth the extra couple of dollars and her toosh thanks us :) My FFS had to be in Huggies and another in Luvs :) we are very well rounded here!
Hang in there, this is a small thing in the big picture and your doing great!
WhatsaHoosier
in mine we were asked to tell the bio-parents what kind of diapers, bottles, formula (this is a given), etc to have ready for the visits.
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I agree w/ HopingForForever. If BioDad knows better, then he needs to go buy a package of diapers that he feels will handle the teething diaper rash.(Our middle boy has constant rashes due to teething so I'm w/ you sister). Sorry but I provide everything for visits, not because I have been asked but because I have to. BioDad has only purchased one meal which of course he ate.
Only you can judge his character, but be careful in following BioDad's desires. He could be the type that if you give an inch, he will take 10miles.
You could also tell him you will pick some up when this package runs out or if the doctor tells you the rash is diaper related. Honestly, I think it is sweet that he is thinking about his kid enough to look for a solution to what he perceives to be a problem. He obviously asked someone or talked about it with someone.
So, I bought a package of diaper sot send on visits. Honestly, it is not a big deal per se, it is just that I am exhausted form getting up every morning at five and dealing with toddler behaviors all day, and then get a text that I need to buy more expensive diapers. He gets to sleep in tomorrow. Ugh. But... I am letting it go and I am going to believe it came from a place of concern and not sniping. And I am going to get some sleep! Good night!
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