feeling a tad overwhelmed

Unfortunately, I do believe that the workers know how to talk a new foster parent into a child they may not have taken. You have to be in it a little bit to know exactly what to ask to get the information you need. We've had 15 placements, and I've never once been told about a behavior problem. They're all "really sweet kids" if you don't live with them. Take this as a learning experience. Don't let it burn you out - there is joy in helping even a poorly behaved teenager. With that said, you don't have to keep her. If it becomes too much, no one is going to look down on you for saying that she has to find a new home. There are therapeutic homes, I'm sure, that can be utilized, but finding them takes a little extra time on the CW's part. If you decide you'd like her to stay, you'll have to stand your ground. I would look into stopping phone calls until she calms down. You may have to search out therapeutic help for her on your own - get her involved in as much beneficial activity as you can. Most of all, just love her. Offer lots of hugs, and tell her you love her even when you don't feel it. (I was once told to "fake it until you feel it.") I wish you the best! We have our first teen, too - 13. She's a bossy one.

Unfortunately, I do believe that the workers know how to talk a new foster parent into a child they may not have taken. You have to be in it a little bit to know exactly what to ask to get the information you need. We've had 15 placements, and I've never once been told about a behavior problem. They're all "really sweet kids" if you don't live with them. Take this as a learning experience. Don't let it burn you out - there is joy in helping even a poorly behaved teenager. With that said, you don't have to keep her. If it becomes too much, no one is going to look down on you for saying that she has to find a new home. There are therapeutic homes, I'm sure, that can be utilized, but finding them takes a little extra time on the CW's part. If you decide you'd like her to stay, you'll have to stand your ground. I would look into stopping phone calls until she calms down. You may have to search out therapeutic help for her on your own - get her involved in as much beneficial activity as you can. Most of all, just love her. Offer lots of hugs, and tell her you love her even when you don't feel it. (I was once told to "fake it until you feel it.") I wish you the best! We have our first teen, too - 13. She's a bossy one.

The first thing to do is make sure you can get the medical services the child needs asap. This would include any assessments about the child's intellectual deficits, and mental well being as well. If the child has been in care before there should be a file with that info in it. Stand your ground when asking for these things. If the child was in a previous foster home, ask to speak with that family. Any and all history you can get will help. Next thing to do is to tell your worker that you need help in dealing with the behaviors right now. Make sure she understands the severity of the problems. Understand that there are some children who are hard to place because of their issues and it is not unusual for a case worker to withhold information in order to get the child into a home. There are many reasons they do this, but chiefly it is because they just need the child to go to a home for now. Don't feel as though you are now locked into keeping a child, if you honestly think you are not equipped to help them. and especially if your worker is not very helpful in getting services set up. If they drag their feet about getting you help, that's a sign to you that they are not interested in getting the child help. Their attention is elsewhere. I know how hard it is to have a child moved, but it isn't helping the child or you if you are not prepared to handle certain behaviors/issues. If you are not already required to do so by your agency, get a notebook and begin to document the behaviors by keeping a daily log of events. This will help you establish a record that can be used to motivate the people responsible for getting services going asap.

thankyou for the responses it has helped me alot I have decided to keep the child they are lovely and have settled in quite well I have also gotten outside help and assessments which have shed some light on some issues and Im feeling so much more confident now thank goodness :love: