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I got the name of my biological father today. After searching the internet and updating my brand new family tree, I found out that he passed away in 2009. I found a family tree on ancestry.com that was private but had pictures and stories about him. Without thinking I send a message asking to see it cause I was his daughter. I didn't even stop to think at the time who could be the "owner" of that page and if they even know about me. The last thing I wanted to do in this whole reunion ride was "shatter" someone's life. I did make it clear that I was only looking out a curiosity etc. I just sent the email a few hours ago, but I'm worried that in my excitement my lack of caution and tact could come back to bite me. Any suggestions? Am I blowing this out of proportion? Am I not worried enough? Thanks
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What a roller coaster of a day you've had - from finding out a long-sought-for name, to finding a grave, to finding a family tree - and the person behind it - that could answer some of your questions!
I also found a grave when I searched for my birth mother. She, too, died in 2009. I'm sorry for your loss.
It's possible that the person on the receiving end of the email you sent will be taken aback... and sure, perhaps you could have approached it more tactfully/calmly/whatever if you'd taken more time to think about your message. But the email is sent and the cat is now out of the bag. So all I can suggest is that you not drive yourself nuts with worry about it.
Your email will either be read, or it won't. The recipient will either be open-minded, or s/he won't. S/he'll either reply, or s/he won't. You have control over none of those things.
Ultimately, whether your email will "shatter" someone's life really depends on the other person and their outlook on life. If the person you've reached out to has an open mind and an open heart, they'll likely respond in a positive manner. Even if they take some time to digest the news at first. Again, you have no control over how someone else will respond to you.
(And I'm sorry. It's so hard to know that matters are entirely out of your hands!)
I hope that your message went to someone who will respond with kindness and generosity. Hang in there while you wait and see... Good luck!
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