Foster/Adoption Advice

I have already worked it out with HR and I can take up to 12 weeks in a year. We are asking for a child 0-2yrs and was just wondering if anyone took a leave when they got their first child. I feel like it is important but also scared about bonding and having to give the child back.

I'd say definitely do it if you can. I didn't take leave because my company does not offer paid leave for adoption (but they do give 12 paid weeks for maternity leave, which I didn't qualify for because I didn't give birth.... yeah, don't event get me started about how ridiculous this is...) I couldn't afford to go without the pay check so I ended up taking just a couple of vacation weeks off. I definitely wished for more time. If your first placement is anything like ours, you'll have a ton of appointments -- medical, wic, CWs... it's worth taking the time the time to adjust and bond.

Thank you that helps a ton! My job calls it 12 weeks unpaid but then they mandate you use your vacation/sick/personal time which you get paid for. I don't quite understand the lingo but I'm not going to argue if I get to have the time.

I stay at home, but with all of the appointments, CW visits, evaluations by ECI, WIC set up, and making sure the child knows you are mom and they can trust you, I would take time off if I were working. It takes about 4-6 weeks for our to calm down once we get a placement. Welcome to foster care!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but most daycares won't take under 6 weeks? So maybe plan on taking at least 6 weeks anyway. Our placements were supposed to be very short term, so I didn't take time off (3 and 3), but I'm considering working from home if a little comes into my home. I'm lucky enough to have a pretty flexible job. Best of luck and can't wait to hear you have your new little!

I've had to take leave twice so far 9 months apart. My first leave was for 3wks and I used all of time off. The 2nd time, I used 2wks of FMLA, which is paid in our State. So, I now have an additional 8wks I can utilize by in 2015. Also the first time around, not only was I bonding but I also was frantically looking for childcare. Luckily, my 3 go to a homecare provider so she will take as early as a day old if needed. Also I know a # of working parents who have been fortunate to be able to have a family member provide care the first couple of months. If that's an option, you can find out from your Agency what is required to for someone to be your "nanny".

I am so excited for you and your husband. Like you, I became a foster parent with the intention of adopting. The above quote struck me because it is so true, but the one thing I can tell you from my experience over the last year is that you have to bond, you have to bond strongly and completely and love this child with your whole being...because that is what this baby deserves. If he becomes your forever child then it is amazing and wonderful that you bonded so strongly. And if you end up giving this child back to his biological family, you have given him the most incredible gift of being loved completely (this will have attachment benefits that he will carry throughout his life). When I accepted placement of a beautiful 14 month old almost a year ago I understood that he was an emergency placement and nobody knew what direction his case would head. I understood fully that it was possible, or even likely, that he would stay for a short time then move home or to relatives. But he is still here, and I still don't know what the outcome will be. I love him more than I can even express. And I am terrified of losing him, absolutely terrified. Every single day I am confronted with my greatest fear...losing the little boy that is my whole world. But tonight I got to put him to bed and give him a kiss. I'm grateful for that. When you get a placement please don't be afraid to bond. Being a foster home with the hopes of adopting is setting yourself up for heartbreak. But in time the child who is meant to be yours will stay, and then the risk and the heartbreak and the anxiety will all have been worth it.