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I have posted on here before but I am curious and yet saddened, because my husband and I do not want biological children (i am not good with infants, and i also have a medical condition, i'm not infertile but would be hard to carry). And so comes the shunning and the looks. I've accepted that my choice isn't normal but it is still a choice we've made. In classes were the ones who were called, "haven't parented" or "no experience" which was true but it was ALWAYS thrown in our faces. We have extensively worked with children as youth leaders and teachers. We're not totally inept.
And I've wanted to adopt for a long time. Domestically.
I've always wanted to adopt an older child, (hubby was a trooper and came on board with me); now that we've fostered one and she successfully reunified, we decided we want a boy in the range of 5-12 (or whatever the good Lord decides) but we really don't want to foster all that much, because of attachment, and all that goes on, we want to 'raise' a child the best way we can.
I understand the complications of this so I wonder, will we ever be accepted or even looked at for being adoptive parents? We have our foster and adoption license in MO. We are both 28 years old and have been married for 7 years, together for 10.
And I've been told frequently that we are not adequate to handle a certain child I may be interested in, which I am fine, I accept that; but will it always be that way? We are trying to further our training as well. Please help.
Childless and longing. ~kalli
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I don't know this for sure, but I would think it would help if you did some volunteer work with high/special needs kids. I see you have worked with kids, but not sure how many of them were high/special needs. Also, would you/they be willing for you to do respite care? Just trying to think of ways that might move you up in the eyes of the people making these decisions.
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Thank you! I will add we are still youth leaders and deal with ADHD and ADD a lot. I'm not sure about respite care, I had someone else mention it, I will see what we can do as far as volunteer options, we are doing it youth leading (school age to young adults--not in same class) other than that it isn't something easily done here in a rural town.
wcurry66
there are tons of us who adopted without having parented before. i'm not sure why you are having issue. perhaps try a new agency?
Last update on April 25, 9:11 am by Sachin Gupta.
we got those comments too
it was maddening
our agency claimed the comments was because we kept gravitating to the kids that needed extra and had severe issues.
When we interviewed for our precious forever daughter though, OUR agency brought up no experience *rolleyes* and I said with her issues, that makes us perfect for her, because we have no preconceived expectations.
They said "EXACTLY!!" and proceeded with us and it's been an amazing match!!
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Hubs and I never parented until our first FK walked through our door. No one at any time ever made us feel like we weren't good enough bc we had no parenting experience. Sorry to say, but that agency sounds like a bunch of jerks. Things are so different in my state. Agencies are rarely used; most foster, adopt, or fost-adopt people just go straight through CPS. Also, it is often true that the harder to place kids are on those adoption sites (heart gallery, etc.). Your best bet is fost-adopt, but you may get your heart broken. If you insist on adopt only, it could take a long time before you find the perfect match. It's a gamble.
We're older parents w/ no biological children and hopefully will be adopting our sibling set of 3 in 2015.
Honestly, it was never an issue because their where many foster parents similar to us or starting anew.
If your Agency continues to give you a hard time, I would look for a new Agency.
Maybe you live in an area with more parents than kids in care? Are you near a larger city where you could also be licensed? I was a foster parent in MO for 5 years and had to turn down placements, was swimming in kiddos and ended up adopting 3 of my foster placements. I had never parented before, that never mattered, they were so desperate for homes!
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We're under 30 and adopting our first foster care placement with no bio children. It's a sibling group of 3 that are 11 and under.
That's the most absurd thing I've heard. We were called about a teen that was close to aging out with a toddler son! We could be her siblings! I have never been made to feel like we couldn't handle something because of our age or lack of parenting experience. I'm sorry you're feeling this way.
You are the one that decides what age, race, gender, and number of kids you take. Don't let anyone make you feel you can't handle it. I hope that if you really couldn't, you wouldn't take the placement.
If you're with an agency, I'd look into your local Department of Social Services. If you're with them, I'd speak with a supervisor!
As far as straight adoption, you'd need to make that clear with whatever agency/DSS you're with. I'd also ask to see if the state keeps a listing of adoptive parents. There are so many kids on the state listings!