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I'm not trying to break any rules so I'll start by saying I already posted this in another part of this forum, and then I found this part and I think my question fits better here: Question Regarding International Adoption Hi. I am not an adoptee- one of my parents is, and it was an international adoption. We met the birth family when I was young so theoretically they've been in my life for most of it. HOWEVER. I have a question. My parent... "fits" in the USA, doesn't look out of place. Except genetics is a funny thing, and I look definitively "different"... People walk up to me all the time (sometimes this is a daily thing) and start speaking to me in another language. I understand my skin is a different color, but I consider this really disrespectful. People ask where I'm from, and if I say the US, they rarely ever (!) let it rest. I don't feel like total strangers are entitled to my entire history, and anyway- it isn't even mine to tell. I've been cryptic in this post specifically for that reason (when people respond I will likely have to go into more detail!). If you've found yourself in this situation, either because you're a transracial adoptee or related (a generation down, like me!), how do you respond? As it turns out, my parents kind of predicted this when I was a kid (it was already pretty apparent I was just going to be dark and have to deal with having lighter parents) and MADE me learn some of the language so I would at least have a shot, but it was never spoken in the home (both my parents spoke English growing up) so I struggle with it and color does not equal culture. I'm not necessarily trying to distance myself from my genetic lineage, but it isn't my cultural heritage and I need a way to approach this! Thanks.:confused:
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Hi Stardust, Welcome to the forum. I don't have any answers for you, same race adoptee. I hope others more enlightened with good answers stop by - but with Christmas, it might take awhile. Some people are ignorant. Have you tried the well-worn answer that only Native American people didn't immigrate from another country. I'm assuming here that most of the comments come from white people who are the obvious immigrant to the USA. I'm sorry, if no one responds, respond to the thread and write "Bumping up" so it gets into the new post queue. Kind regards, Dickons
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Hi Stardust!I'm a step-parent adoptee (by choice - my bio father pretty much abandoned my brother and me when he remarried.) I'm mixed race, Asian and Caucasian. My mom is blonde, blue-eyed and very fair skinned and my dad is also blue-eyed, so I've gotten stares and rude comments/questions all my life. So my problem is biological, not adoptive...but the annoyance is just as real.I can't really tell if you're annoyed primarily because people of similar ethnic background to you are approaching you, or if it's people outside your background. I have both, but I'm less annoyed by Indians asking if I'm Indian than I am by others coming up and saying "What are you?" which happens pretty regularly.My usual response to "What are you?" is to look down at my chest, look back at the person like he/she is an idiot and say "A woman." That usually elicits a little bit of re-thinking, but rarely does it end the line of questioning. Some people are just trying to make a connection, and it seems like an obvious ice breaker, so if they're graceful or realize they've said something dumb, then I'll extend a little grace myself and talk. I don't give many people the whole sordid tale - I'll just tell them that like most Americans I'm a mix of ethnicities, including Asian. If it's just some random person in line at the grocery store, I give very unhelpful answers or just ignore them.As far as people speaking to me in my father's language, that's tougher because I am so ethnically ambiguous that people from Polynesians to Turks try to speak to me in their language...I just shrug and tell them I speak English or if I'm overseas, I work with the limited language skills I have picked up in preparation for the trip. Or you could wear this [URL="http://www.blacklava.net/item/i_speak_english_t-shirt_unisex"]tee shirt[/URL] everywhere. I saw it in line at Disneyland about bought it as Christmas presents for several friends that year :) Many of my non-white and mixed race friends have similar experiences to yours as well, so we commiserate once in a while, especially those of us who moved from a place where our nationality isn't remarkable (California, FTW) to one where we stand out. A couple of funny ways to deal...not assuming you're of Asian descent, but I am, so this stuff cracks me up.You Tube"[URL="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWynJkN5HbQ"]What Kind of Asian are You[/URL]?"[URL="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMJI1Dw83Hc"]If Asians Said the Stuff White People Say[/URL]"So, for the TL;DR version - if they're rude, I'm short and unresponsive. If they're trying to make a connection, I'll share that I'm mixed but not how or why. My friends get the full version over a beer. Having good friends who have similar experiences (or don't mind hearing you complain,) helps when it gets really annoying.
Hi Stardust! I'm a step-parent adoptee (by choice - my bio father pretty much abandoned my brother and me when he remarried.) I'm mixed race, Asian and Caucasian. My mom is blonde, blue-eyed and very fair skinned and my dad is also blue-eyed, so I've gotten stares and rude comments/questions all my life. So my problem is biological, not adoptive...but the annoyance is just as real. I can't really tell if you're annoyed primarily because people of similar ethnic background to you are approaching you, or if it's people outside your background. I have both, but I'm less annoyed by Indians asking if I'm Indian than I am by others coming up and saying "What are you?" which happens pretty regularly. My usual response to "What are you?" is to look down at my chest, look back at the person like he/she is an idiot and say "A woman." That usually elicits a little bit of re-thinking, but rarely does it end the line of questioning. Some people are just trying to make a connection, and it seems like an obvious ice breaker, so if they're graceful or realize they've said something dumb, then I'll extend a little grace myself and talk. I don't give many people the whole sordid tale - I'll just tell them that like most Americans I'm a mix of ethnicities, including Asian. If it's just some random person in line at the grocery store, I give very unhelpful answers or just ignore them. As far as people speaking to me in my father's language, that's tougher because I am so ethnically ambiguous that people from Polynesians to Turks try to speak to me in their language...I just shrug and tell them I speak English or if I'm overseas, I work with the limited language skills I have picked up in preparation for the trip. Or you could wear this [URL="http://www.blacklava.net/item/i_speak_english_t-shirt_unisex"]tee shirt[/URL] everywhere. I saw it in line at Disneyland about bought it as Christmas presents for several friends that year :) Many of my non-white and mixed race friends have similar experiences to yours as well, so we commiserate once in a while, especially those of us who moved from a place where our nationality isn't remarkable (California, FTW) to one where we stand out. A couple of funny ways to deal...not assuming you're of Asian descent, but I am, so this stuff cracks me up. You Tube "[URL="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWynJkN5HbQ"]What Kind of Asian are You[/URL]? "[URL="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMJI1Dw83Hc"]If Asians Said the Stuff White People Say[/URL]" So, for the TL;DR version - if they're rude, I'm short and unresponsive. If they're trying to make a connection, I'll share that I'm mixed but not how or why. My friends get the full version over a beer. Having good friends who have similar experiences (or don't mind hearing you complain,) helps when it gets really annoying.