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The phone calls with birthmom are making G sad. Two weeks ago birthmom told her she is a dancer (nearly naked) in a bar. G become distant durning the phone call and then when it was over she hugged my husband (who she rarely hugs) so tight and bawled and bawled for a good five minutes. Then on the next phone call she APOLOGIZED to birthmom for being distant on the last call. We told her not to do this. G has been asking to call her daily which we have not done. She gets one phone call a week and no other contact.
I was in the room for the psychological testing and it broke my heart. She was diagnosed with PTSD. G has been out of her moms care for 1.5 years. She worries about her all the time. When asked what she would ask for if she had three wishes, the first two wishes were for mom to be better and the third was to see a family member. G was given this diagnoses two days ago and today she has been sad and near tears the whole day. The psychologist and therapist were very clear that G does not have to share what actually happened to her in order to get help for the PTSD, I think this make G think more about her abusive past and be even more scared that she might have to share what she tries so hard to keep locked away.
I know next to nothing about PTSD, how treatable is it and how painful is the treatment for the child? It is so painful to watch this sweet, kind-hearted child hurt. We will be getting extensive therapy for the whole family, but I am wondering it that is a good idea. G keeps saying how much she does not want that.
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I treat kids with PTSD. I don't do emdr, specifically because it does require kids to talk about and focus on the specifics of what happened to them, and some kids (I primarily work with adolescent boys, who this is a big deal for) really aren't ready or able to talk about it. I do trauma focused cognitive behavioral therapy. It does have a component of talking about what happened, but it comes at the end. By then, kids have developed a lot of skills to enable them to talk, but I've also had kids refuse to do that final stage (it's called a trauma narrative in this treatment) and still get a lot of relief from their symptoms. They may still need to do more work on it someday, but their trauma no longer controls their lives.
It sounds like G has a lot of anxiety over things that have happened. I can't imagine that pretending everything is okay when it's not will help her at all. If she doesn't deal with it now, when will she do it? (Because she has to do it at some point). If she waits until she's 15, it might come out in ways that are more destructive. I would find a therapist you trust-and then trust them. Trust them to know what they're doing and encourage G to participate as best she can. You feel sorry for her-and anyone would feel bad about her past. But, you have to make sure you don't make her out to be a victim. If you pity her, she'll consider herself a victim of her past. That will only make it harder for her. You need to be her champion. "You can do this, G. I believe in you." rather than "I'm so sorry for you". "Your past was brutal but you survived it. You're a strong person." rather than "I'm so sorry ____ happened". You can empathize with her without making her feel sorry for herself or her past. Her past made her the kid she is today. She's a great kid. I know that because you love her. Someone fostered that in her. She needs to find her strengths and lean on them. You can't feel sorry for her anymore. No more "Poor, G". Now, it's "Super G". The amazing girl who overcame a bad beginning and went on to be a super hero in her own life.