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I adopted a baby brought her home right from the NICU she was born at 1 pound. She is fine now after a few heart surgeries many days of therapy teachers a lot of hard work. Now she is 4 and her biological mom wants to be a bigger part of her life. I have always wanted her to be part of it as she is a relative and I have always had open communication it was part of our agreement. My daughter also knows she is Mommy ***** and I am mommy. The problem is this.......... I am conflicted. Her bio mom came down and took her for a visit the first one ever I trust her. Problem is I am jealous. I shouldn't be I should be happy she had a blast her mom had a blast they have pics galore everyone is happy BUT NOT ME. Why cant I be happy???? I am so sad. I am so confused my emotions are all over the place. Please someone help me to understand what is going on here and how I can fix it.
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Oh, believe me! the jealousy is totally normal. In some ways relative adoption is worse that stranger adoption when it comes to this, as we have a history with the BP
My one piece of advice - you need firm boundaries up front. Because they are kin, they'll think nothing of taking pics and doing whatever they want.. or coming over whenever... or think they can take the kiddo unsupervised.
Having those boundaries , really helped with my bond, the jealousy, and the stress on my DD. She know knew what to expect
best of luck. and feel free to ping me any time
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I too can relate. It's hard, nothing about adoption is easy and with some more time you'll get better about it. The fact that you're open about it is really good. I lived in denial of my "issues" in openness as both of my kiddos came from a kinship placement too. I think Wcurry is right I think it is harder. Try to look at what actually bothers you. Does them taking pictures bother you or seeing them together. I've moved past the picture issue, it was my own possessiveness that bothered me not the pictures, but it's something you grow through and beyond eventually. Best of luck Mom it's normal we all go through it.
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Christina Bain
I adopted a baby brought her home right from the NICU she was born at 1 pound. She is fine now after a few heart surgeries many days of therapy teachers a lot of hard work. Now she is 4 and her biological mom wants to be a bigger part of her life. I have always wanted her to be part of it as she is a relative and I have always had open communication it was part of our agreement. My daughter also knows she is Mommy ***** and I am mommy. The problem is this.......... I am conflicted. Her Biological Parent mom came down and took her for a visit the first one ever I trust her. Problem is I am jealous. I shouldn't be I should be happy she had a blast her mom had a blast they have pics galore everyone is happy BUT NOT ME. Why cant I be happy???? I am so sad. I am so confused my emotions are all over the place. Please someone help me to understand what is going on here and how I can fix it.
It's very understanding for any mother to feel protective of her child. But it is always a wonderful thing that she is gaining love from this person. It's very nice of you to allow her access. I feel like access should never be denied, although it happens. I honestly don't get all the possessiveness. Children should just be loved. Two mothers need to love each other, never to be jealous. Jealous is a bad word lol Glad you are all happy! Keep it up! <3
Last update on June 26, 3:22 am by jessica aldakar.
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