Single french man looking to adopt in USA

July 8, 2015

It's a "dirty little secret" that people from other countries sometimes adopt American kids, and I'm not talking about adoption by relatives.

The problem, in your case, is that the children who are likely to be adopted by people in other countries are almost never healthy infants, toddlers, and preschoolers. Those children, and there are relatively few of them in prosperous countries like the U.S., find American homes very easily. In fact, some Americans wait years for a healthy newborn or infant. Many Americans turn to international adoption because they cannot find a young child who is healthy or who has relatively minor special needs. Most of the healthy newborns going out of the country go to Canadians who live just a few miles from a birthmother in the U.S., because birthmothers relinquishing newborns in this country tend to want open adoptions, with regular visitation.

The children placed with non-relatives overseas tend to be the hardest-to-place children in the foster care system. In general, they tend to be older, school-aged children and, especially, boys aged ten and over, and often Black, Hispanic, or biracial. These kids really need homes, but many Americans don't want them because the older a foster child is, the more likely it is that he/she has had negative life experiences, such as too many foster homes (leading to a failure to attach), sexual abuse (many sexually abused kids try to harm other children), extreme physical abuse and neglect, homelessness, etc.

Where younger children are placed overseas, they frequently have significant special needs that may not be "cured" with treatment, such as fetal alcohol spectrum disorders, reactive attachment disorder, mental retardation, severe forms of cerebral palsy, and so on. Many have several disorders, both physical and emotional, and some may be positive for HIV or Hep. B and C. They may need medical services from professionals who have special training and expertise in working with adopted children. In general, they are more likely to be from racial or ethnic minorities, so parents must both cope with special needs and teach the children to honor their birth heritage and cope with prejudice and discrimination.

While the U.S. is open to the concept of adoption by single men, both gay and straight, or by gay couples, many agencies and social workers still have "reservations" about placing a child, and especially a young child, in a family without a female parent. To a large extent, it's about prejudice. There's a preconception that men aren't really interested in parenting and nurturing, and if a man wants to adopt, it's because he is a pedophile with ulterior motives. You and I know better, but even an American man often has to look long and hard for an adoption situation, and often does best if he adopts from a pregnant woman he already knows, and who knows that he will be a great parent. And many agencies are more likely to place a child with a single man if he lives nearby and they can do some followup. Agencies can't do much followup on families overseas, whether they are comprised of couples, single women, or single men, and that makes many agencies nervous about all placements of kids overseas; they make such placements rarely, and only as a last resort.

I hate to sound so negative, but I must tell you that you will have a very tough road ahead if you seek to adopt from the U.S. You are certainly welcome to contact state foster care agencies, and see what they say, as that would be your best choice. It's probably not worth talking to most private agencies, as their waiting lists for newborns and infants are often ridiculously long, and they may not place a lot of older kids or kids with special needs. If you have any American relatives or friends, you might want to enlist their aid in finding a woman who wants to make an adoption plan, but again, most American birthmothers prefer open adoptions, where regular contact is maintained, and may not want to have their birthchild taken abroad.

Sharon