Wanted to Adopt, now not sure?

The unknown can be a scary place to let your mind wonder. Don't spend too long there or else you can talk yourself out of anything.That being said, it is not all roses. Emotional needs can be draining for the adults and scary for the kids. I don't have any advise, but wanted to let you know that I completely understand.

I definitely will never tell you what to choose... But I will say this. We tried having a baby for 7 years. After so many pitfalls we gave up. We decided to get into this process of foster to adopt. Emotions were up and down for sure. I was terrified that we would be placed with a child who had such specific needs, that we wouldn't be able to take care of them. We also worried about being matched with a child that had been so severely abused that they would literally burn our house down. Irrational as it sounds, you're afraid of making a decision and bring stuck and and can't change your mind. That being said, we met our babies on February 17th of this year. I knew the moment I saw my daughter and son from 30 feet away that they were ours. Every deficit only challenges us to make sure they get what they need... And every milestone they reach, big and small, is rewarding and keeps us going. When they look to you and depend on you, your heart melts and the mommy instincts kick in. It takes some time sometimes but you'll get there and the bonds created will forever be strong. My advice : take 6 months off. Read some child psychology regarding adoption books. There's no hurry.

I can definitely say that there was a time when we were in your shoes. We had two bio kids and wanted to adopt a 3rd child of the opposite gender of our bio's to complete our family. We were certain that was what we wanted to do. Went through the process of becoming home study ready and started submitting our profile for available children that we thought would be the best fit for our family. Then came the day when we were selected to go to "committee'" and I became terrified. Cold feet. Scared of change. Our life was good. What were we doing? Were we making the right decision? What if we weren't and we screwed up our whole life? What if our adopted child hated us, was like the kid in the movie "Problem Child" or set our house on fire? What if our bio kids hated their new sibling or he hated them? What if we brought our adopted child home and we knew we had made a mistake and had to live with it the rest of our lives? What if our adopted child had needs and issues that were either hidden from us or weren't yet discovered? What if those needs ruined our life?We held our breath and jumped in. Thank God we jumped in!We met our son and fell head over heels in love with him. I knew at that very moment, that no matter what, he was going to be worth it.3 weeks later he shattered our very large, wall mounted flat screen TV with a toy ball.I still loved him. Has it been the easiest last 6 years I've ever lived? No. It''s been a continual learning curve. I've become a stronger, more sensible mother than I ever thought myself capable of. Has it been worth it? Yes! In so many ways. Would I go back and change things if I could? Yes! I'd want him sooner so I could have loved him longer! We ended up adopting 2 more. 3 of my kids have ADHD, ADD, ODD and severe speech delays. One of them I gave birth to. When I look at my children I see none of those things. You grow accustomed to ADHD as a normal part of life. ADHD isn't always a curse. My ADHD son is the most funny, creative, vibrant, quirky, talented and "off the wall" amazing child I've ever met. He's impulsive, has difficulty focusing and can be a chatterbox at times but the great traits the ADHD brings out in him far outweigh the negative. Foster the positive, make little of the negative. Parenting is work. It is the most work you will ever do. It will exhaust you both mentally and physically; but it will be the most fulfilling, worthwhile thing you ever do in your lifetime. It will reward you in ways that I cannot even put into words. Some days your heart will soar and other days you will feel like the worlds most incapable parent. Those days your heart soars will make every other day worth the struggle.If you want to adopt, follow your heart and do it! Will you be terrified that you are making a mistake? Yes. I felt the same way when I saw two lines show up on the pregnancy test. If you want to be a parent then make that happen by whatever means you need to make it happen. Will it be a mistake? No. There will be days that make you question yourself on why you ever wanted to be a parent but trust me, we all have those days regardless of HOW you became a parent. All the things I had been so terrified of, special needs, behavior issues, etc. Yes, I have come face to face with so many of the things I had been so scared of. Turns out, they weren't that bad and really not that unusual. It's the unknown that's so scary. Once that little face with the ADHD becomes the face of somebody you love, turns out if's really not that huge of an issue. You just learn to deal with things better than you ever thought you would. My oldest is 15 and my youngest 4. I've put in a lot of years and I've got a lot of years left to go. I've learned much and regret nothing. My life looks NOTHING like I had planned for it to but it's better than I ever thought it could be. All because of my children and the challenges and laughter and love that they have brought into our world. I understand your fears because I have lived them myself. I am so glad I didn't let my fears hold me back from the greatest things that have ever happened to me. I wish you luck, strength and joy in your journey. Follow year heart and don't let fear of the "what if's" rob you of what has the potential of being your greatest joy.

Thank you all for your support and your encouraging stories that were in honest and realistic. We are still looking and praying. We still feel the tug to do adopt. Thanks again.